Friday, April 29, 2005

What Did I Think?

Other side of the tracksLast night, as we were having drinks, I asked my friend my question of the week: What do you think about 'friends with benefits'?

Being the 'liberal' person that he is, he surmised that it works out fine if both parties understand and accept the relationship for what it is.

And then we went to the bathhouse around the corner.  Read more [+/-]

Just kidding.

Later on during dinner, he turned the question back on me: What did I think about 'friends with benefits'.  What did I think?

Apparently, I had been so interested in figuring out what other people thought, I didn't take much time to think about it myself.  With Malibu and ginger ale coursing through my veins, I took a minute to process it.

"Ultimately, I think one person will always see the relationship as more than what is there."

I realize I'm probably speaking about myself.  Knowing that I couldn't sleep with someone without having some sort of romantic feelings, me having a 'friends with benefits' relationship (and keeping it strictly about sexual gratification) would be like Star Jones wearing anything from H&M: it just wouldn't fit right.

He told me I was wise.

Well, I'm either that or completely neurotic.

Thank ya'll for your advice!

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

AKA Booty Call

So we're still friends.

Is 'friends with benefits' ever a good idea?

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

And A Day

I just realized that yesterday was the four month anniversary of me pretty much blowing up my closet door.

While it doesn't seem quite like ancient history, it still feels far away.  Like the time I was young and my older sister and cousin were both trying to 'one up' each other with their vast knowledge of multiplication.  Read more [+/-]

I tried to fit in and be part of their conversation by interrupting and butting in until they both turned to me and asked, "Fine!  What's 10 times 10?"  I automatically responded with 100; not because I knew how to multiply, but because it just sounded right.  Pleasantly surprised it was the right answer, I puffed out my chest in pride, then proceeded to answer every other question wrong.

"What's 5 times 5 then?"  "Uhm.. 55?"  Laughter and teasing ensued.  Seeped in embarrassment and frustration, I vowed from that day on to be smarter than both of them.  At least in math.  Now I have a degree in Information Systems.

So, yea, my coming out is like one of those memories.

And now I feel like I'm trying to fit in again, butting and interrupting.  My group of friends have had years of experience.  I can answer some of their questions correctly.  "You know who Cher is, dontcha?"  Well, I saw The Witches of Eastwick and that other movie where she's the mother of the guy with the big head.

I don't do so well other times.  Especially when the topic involves musicals, the 80's, or sex.  "Zannawhat?"

The difference now is that while they still tease me, most, if not all, want to help me along the way.  Because of that, I vow to be the best gay boy I could be; and not out of spite this time, but because I want to make them proud.  I can't wait to get my gay certification.

Monday, April 25, 2005

Aussie Weekend

Down Under Flag Down UnderThe best way to keep your mind off of something is to fill it with something else.  Or alcohol.

On Friday I played tour guide and took D. and her visiting Aussie friends for a night out.  I took them to Posh where I hoped to run into him, but left soon after for Therapy where I laid my eyes on Mr. Something Else; then spent the rest of the night fantasizing about the tip of his tongue on the nape of my neck what our relationship would be like.

Ugh, I hate being sad.

Saturday, I went to help Jess and Marc move. [read more here]  They are amazing hosts.  The house is incredible.  I can't wait for the barbecue!

Sunday was ANZAC day [more here and here].  D., being an Aussie shiela, invited me to celebrate it at The Sunburnt Cow.  I enjoyed a meat pie, a Fosters, and a Toohey's New while Oz transplants buzzed around me to the sound of Men At Work and the movie Gallipoli was projected onto the wall.

The meat pie was delicious, and so were the ones serving them.  And as the picture proves, I always dress for the occasion.

Friday, April 22, 2005


Regarding my last post, it seems even in despair, one can be creative; perhaps the product turns out even better than when one is in a right state of mind.  (or maybe not...)

Anyway, long story short: I ended a 'relationship'.  In quotes because we were just dating, but he was the first person I courted where he was responsive and reciprocal.

I had a lot of firsts with him.  Sigh.  I'll live.  I'm just a little melodramatic right now.

Welcome to Life.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

With tears in my eyes,
Two hearts are broken tonight.
The sky cries with me.

Weekend Wrapup

A Friday of thai, taxes, and titillation  Read more [+/-]

XES LoungeMy day consisted of work, fast-food Thai (as in 'goes through you fast') and dealing with tax returns; the weekend couldn't come fast enough.

Having a sore reminder of lunch, D. and I went fancy for dinner - Korean on 32nd st.  The soon doo boo I had was delicious, but D. thought her bip bim bap was bland.

When we were finally done judging the people we sat next to, we headed over to XES and met a bunch of friends I don't spend nearly enough time with.

I had a great time catching up (there's never enough time, is there?), meeting new faces, and getting molested.  At least no one asked to see my tattoo.

And the bartender thought I was nice.  That means he wants to have my babies, right?

A Saturday of craft, confections, and conversation  Read more [+/-]

Ashes and SnowSaturday was a big day - and I planned it out to the minute.  Afternoon started with the photography exhibit Ashes and Snow followed by a quick jaunt to Magnolia's for cupcakes.  Next would be a stop into Jacques Torres' Chocolate Haven and finally ending with dinner at Tennessee Mountain.

The photography exhibit was incredible.  Nothing I could say would do it justice.  You'll have to experience this for yourself.

While waiting for D. and F. to join me at Magnolias, I bumped into Steven walking his dog.  D. and F. showed up soon after and we enjoyed cupcakes and a game of 'scare the pigeons' in the park.

britesmile facesHaving some time before the next destination, the three of us stopped in at Rocco's and there we met up with Wayne.  He wasn't feeling well, but graciously accompanied us to Chocolate Haven for some real hot chocolate and shopping in SoHo, where he acted as my curtain while I tried on a pair of jeans in the middle of the store.  What?  The fitting room lines were long.

Dinner was amazing; the food, the company, just everything.  The night ended with a few of us loitering outside the restaurant telling each other politically correct jokes.  [Jess' account of the night]

A Sunday of pommes, poisson, and participation  Read more [+/-]

jase at MS WalkI woke up early on a Sunday because of my commitment as a volunteer for the MS Walk.

I was glad I didn't drink much at dinner the night before, but I was paying the price for not sleeping until 2 in the morning.

The weather was nice and as I approached the volunteer sign-in, all the walkers' enthusiasm was contagious and I couldn't help but feel excited.

One of the reasons I volunteer is that it puts life into perspective.  The other is to get the free stuff.  And the last is having the power to deny anyone else the free stuff.  "No, you can not have another bottle of water!"

candied applesAfter my commitment, I headed to Union Square with my sister and D.  I was pleasantly surprised that there was a street fair along Broadway.

Let me just say that Kettle Korn is like crack; especially when freshly popped and warm.  I couldn't stop.  The warm, sweet, salty goodness.  Kind of reminds me of something else... but crunchy.

Anyway, we strolled through Union Square, admiring lawn ornaments - some with their shirts off, down to St. Marks and Ave A. for dinner at Sushi Lounge.  As luck would have it, we ran into R., one of my closest friends, and he drove me home.  That's really what friends are for.

Read this: FARB blogs about blogging.  

Saturday, April 16, 2005

The Best Thing About...

...being a virgin?

Having all your friends give you (the same) advice about your 'first time':

"Remember, if it starts to hurt, just relax."

C'mon!  Is it that obvious I'm a bottom?

"Oh!  and use lots of lube!"

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Play Ball!

I love baseball.  And by that I mean baseball fans.  Since I live near Shea Stadium (home of the Mets), it also means that occasionally I'm squashed on the train against fans on their way to a game.

Tall, white, and mostly straight.  Clean cut businessmen, scruffy construction workers, virile college students; all dressed in varying degrees of orange and blue, spewing stats and athletic jargon at each other.  Definite fantasy fodder.

Actually, I think baseball is boring, but it's times like these when I don't mind it all that much.  Now to find a way to get rid of those female tag-alongs and convince them to play ball with me...

Check out groeg's whorescope: Gemini.  I find him it quite stimulating.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Color Me Tickled

What can your affinity for certain colors say about you?

Absolutely nothing!

That's exactly what I thought until I took this quiz and read the results.  To a 'T' I tell you.  To a 'T'.  Read more [+/-]

Your Existing Situation
Orderly, methodical, and self-contained. Needs the respect, recognition, and understanding of those close to him.

Programmer? check. Blogger? check.

Your Stress Sources
The existing situation is disagreeable. Has an unsatisfied need to ally himself with others whose standards are as high as his own, and to stand out from the rank and file. His control of his sensual instincts restricts his ability to give himself, but the resulting isolation leads to the urge to surrender and allow himself to merge with another. This disturbs him, as such instincts are regarded as weaknesses to be overcome; he feels that only by continued self-restraint can he hope to maintain his attitude of individual superiority. Wants to be loved or admired for himself alone; needs attention, recognition, and the esteem of others.

So am I a contridiction or just bipolar?  I think I'll attribute that to the Gemini in me.  And yes, mundane people bore me.

Your Restrained Characteristics
Exacting in his emotional demands and very particular in his choice of partner. The desire for emotional independence prevents any depth of involvement. Egocentric and therefore quick to take offense. Sensitive and sentimental, but conceals this from all except those very close to him. Circumstances are such that he feels forced to compromise for the time being if he is to avoid being cut off from affection or from full participation.

Walls.. these god-damn emotional walls.  I definitely have a lot of love to share, and those around me have seen that - when I let them, that is.

Your Desired Objective
Intense, vital, and animated, taking a delight in action. Activity is directed towards success or conquest and there is a desire to live life to the fullest.

That's the only way to do it!  Right?  Sorry, can't hear you, I'm doing something new.

Your Actual Problem
Takes a delight in action and wants to be respected and esteemed for his personal accomplishments.

This is a problem?  Hmm.. maybe when I seek too much approval...

Your Actual Problem #2
The fear that he might be prevented from achieving the things he wants leads him to play his part with an urgent and hectic intensity.

Great, I have two problems.  Anyway, I know part of it is my need for instant gratification.  So normal people don't try to cram everything they (unrealistically) can into their day?

Take the quiz at

So like a meme, I request the following people take this quiz too (but you don't have to post it): aaron, michael v, farb, riye, jon, glenn, hot toddy, mak, patch, steven, bokey, jess, crash, groove, dan, kvn, lee, edshepp, no milk, rcktman, slate, karen, pony, pua, wayne, robert, epicurist, alan, brechi, buzz, charlie, davis, michael, joe, jennir, chadfox, patrick, andy, nicole, jOjo, and YOU!

Now, is this my need for acceptance or just a little link love?  Can't think about that now.. gotta go volunteer!

Monday, April 11, 2005

It's Definitely Art

About 90% of the time, I'm clueless.

But it's fun to pretend to know what you're talking about.  The best part is the expression on your victim audience's face, when they're deciding what you've said is true or facetious.

That's what makes art exhibits fun.  And that's how I survived the Basquiat exhibit at the Brooklyn Museum of Art this past weekend.

I wonder when I'll get my Bullshit Artist Award...

Many, many thanks to FARB for introducing me to Thom.

Congrats to Aaron!  Strip naked and jump up and down!

Friday, April 08, 2005

Reunion in Ft. Lauderdale

Three years since parting the London flat where they had all lived, laughed, and loved, Jase, Texan Hottie (THottie), New York Chick (NYChick), and the Hungarian Hunk (HHunk) were going to be reunited again.

The Cast

This is the story.. of four former flat-mates.. that reunite in Ft. Lauderdale.. for a weekend of fun.. in the sun.  The Real Real World: London Reunion Special!

Episode 1: A Rocky Departure  Read more [+/-]

A conversation over email:

[Jase]: "Sorry all. I'm tired of trying to find cheaper flights. It's freakin Easter. I don't think I'm going anymore."
[NYChick]: "What about the weekend after?"
[Jase]: "HHunk leaves beginning of April, by that time it'll be too late."
[HHunk]: "Szia! I leave mid-April!"
[Jase]: "I'm an idiot. We're going to Ft. Lauderdale!"

Air Train Seat

Jase and NYChick would fly from New York City, THottie from Austin on Thursday night, and HHunk would ride down from Pompano the following afternoon.  Then the problems started.  Flying out from New York, Jase and NYChick's flight would be delayed due to a plane "possibly losing" a wheel during takeoff.  False alarm.

On the flight, Jase takes out his book with the words "Gay", "Marine", and "Porn Star" on the cover.  NYChick takes her eyes away from her romance novel and glances at Jase's book.

[NYChick]: "Jase, so are you... what it says on the book?"
[Jase, with his signature 'What the hell are you talking about?' look]: "A porn star?"
[NYChick]: "No", lowers voice, "... that." pointing to the word 'Gay'.
[Jase]: "Oh.. that, yea."

Jase had completely forgotten he hadn't told NYChick yet, and now he was outed by a book. They made it to their hotel in Ft. Lauderdale hotel an hour late.  THottie wasn't so lucky.  Her flight was continually delayed due to inclement weather and ultimately missed her connecting flight.  Luckily, she was able to find another flight the next morning.

Episode 2: Beach Bums  Read more [+/-]

Reflection of SpeedoFriday morning, Jase and NYChick woke up early and headed to the beach across the street.  THottie arrived shortly after and the rest of the afternoon was spent on the beach socializing, sunbathing, and looking at hot guys in speedos.

[Jase]: "THottie, sit up so I can pretend I'm taking a picture of you."
[THottie]: "Like this?"
[Jase]: "Move! Your boobs are in the way!"

By late afternoon HHunk had arrived and they took in the sights and sounds of Las Olas Boulevard.  Jase was determined to find the hottest gay spots Ft. Lauderdale had to offer.  They ventured into Cathode Ray where it was happy hour and left with a copy of Hot Spots magazine.

Palm on BeachAfter going through the magazine and 'reading the articles', they all decided that Coliseum, a "gay mega dance club", would be the best destination.  After consulting the concierge (whom later flirted with Jase and handed him a copy of 411 Magazine), they were on their way!

Friday night, the club was popping!  There was even a show at 1 am.

[NYChick]: "Is that a drag queen?"
[THottie]: "Yep."
[NYChick]: "OMG, did she just poop out a dildo from her pants?"
[THottie]: "Yep."
[NYChick]: "Did she just poop out 3 more to the song of 'Doo doo brown'?!"
[THottie]: "Yep."
[NYChick]: "Is she using one of her dildo's as a mic?!"
[THottie]: "Yep."

Feeling the house music and alcohol, Jase got up on one of the raised platforms and got jiggy with it.  It was around 2:30 am when they finally decided to leave; or more accurately dragged Jase, kicking and screaming, off of the platform.  It was supposed to rain the next morning, so they decided they could sleep in.

Episode 3: Straight People are Boring  Read more [+/-]

Starbucks: Try MeAnd rain it did.  Scattered thunderstorms kept them inside most of the morning.  It had stopped by 2 in the afternoon, and under a cloudy sky, they enjoyed Thai food and a leisurely stroll to the only Starbucks in the area; a good, relaxing way to kill time before nighttime festivities.

After a bit more shopping and dinner at Max's in Beach Place, they headed back to the hotel to pre-game before heading out to Riverwalk in Downtown Ft. Lauderdale.  For the straight bars.

[Jase]: "THottie, you want to go to Wilton Manors, the gayborhood, right?"
[THottie]: "I don't care.  There's less pressure for me around gays.  Last night, someone thought me and NYChick were a cute couple!"
[HHunk]: "No!  After four weeks here and no ass, we're going, and I'm getting some!"
[Jase]: "crap."

Their first stop was Voodoo Lounge, raved by the gay concierge as 'the place to be.'  THottie walked around the hip hop room commenting how no one was dancing.  To Jase's dismay, a gaggle of girls jumped onto the bar and started to dry hump each other's legs in an attempt to be sexy.  It's a wonder how mini-skirts can make men, like HHunk, suddenly feel really thirsty.

[Jase]: "They look retarded."
[THottie]: "Straight people are boring."
[Jase]: "I know. I'll be right back."

Jase wandered back to the entrance where the money collector was.

[Jase]: "Are there any gay bars around here?"
[Money collector]: "No, but there are some close by and they're all in the same area."
[Jase]: "Where?"
[MC]: "Hold on." To some girls,"that's $5 each, girls." Back to Jase, "Okay, it's an area called Wilton Manors."
[Jase]: "Cool. Can I walk there from here?"
[MC]: "No. 10 min cab ride."
[Jase]: "crap."

pregame drinks

A little while later they went bar hopping, one straight bar after the next.  Everyone generally had a good time; Jase especially as he observed HHunk's techniques at picking up chicks.

At 4 am, downtown shut down, and they all headed back to the hotel. Since it was only 3 hours till sun rise, Jase suggested they all watch the sun rise; they all agreed.

Final Episode 4: A New Dawn  Read more [+/-]

Silhouette SunriseJase was the only one with enough conviction to stay awake and witness the dawning of the new day; he was also the only one to get less than 4 hours of sleep before check out time.  Having booked evening flights, everyone left their bags with the concierge and headed for the beach for a few more hours of sun, sand, and surf (and speedo).

[THottie]: "Is the guy in the red speedo gay?"
[Jase]: "Nope, he's just a muscle-head."
[THottie]: "Are you enjoying the view?"
[Jase]: "Not really. He's too lumpy."

After the beach, they took a cab to HHunk's apartment to shower and change.  By the time they finished, they had enough time for a quick late lunch and then it was off to the airport.

[Jase], [THottie], [NYChick], [HHunk]: "Miss you!" "Love you!" "Had a good time!" "See you soon!" "Thank you!" "Hug me!" "Picture!" "Miss you!" "Okay!"
[Security Guard]: "HEY!  You can't park here!"

blue sunriseEyes welled up with tears as everyone parted ways, not knowing when they'll see each other again; but they'll always have Ft. Lauderdale.  Well, and.. uhm.. London I guess.

The moral of today's story is: no one has to get laid, paid, or spayed to have a good time; although this writer was hoping to catch a glimpse of that Blue Danube.

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Just Slap A Gate On It

NYC's Chinatown Getting Welcome Gate

A gift? or an attempt to stop Chinatown from expanding?

Been a little busy.  Life stories will resume soon.  Stop reading, go outside and enjoy the weather.

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

"Hey Fag. Fagggggot!"

It happened last night, around 10 pm, when a friend and I went to have dinner in the Kips Bay area of Manhattan.  We passed a sketchy block with a bodega and some 'less than fortunate' minorities hanging around the entrance to an apartment building.  I grew up in the city; I went to school in Brooklyn; I've been to Harlem; I can survive a block in Kips Bay.  Read more [+/-]

As we passed the group, I overheard one of the boys say, "I think they're fags."  Then one of the girls started to call out to us, "Hey fag.  Hey!"  We ignored her and kept walking, but she continued, getting louder and extending the 'g's, "Fagggggggot!"

At the time, I wanted to turn around and say, "Are you talking to me?  When did they teach cocaine trafficking puta-bitch-slut-whores like you English?  Why don't you go do another drug run, have one of them burst inside you so you can die a painful death.  That way you'll do the world and your mom a favor.  Carajo."*

Or go Jet Li on her ass.

Of course I didn't.  No.  That's exactly what she wanted; and I wasn't about to let her win.  Plus, I was already at peace with the knowledge that what I wanted to say was foreshadowing her life anyway.

And Jet Li probably wouldn't have approved.

*This is the toned-down version for brevity.  My original retort was longer and contained a lot more expletives.

Monday, April 04, 2005

New York City Sucks*

Well, the weather does when compared to Ft. Lauderdale this past weekend.

I'm so glad I wasn't around to experience the torrential downpours that hit the Northeast; and the trickling effects of cancelled flights only delayed my flight back to New York City by 10 minutes.  Regardless, I arrived home late at night, tired from the trip and journey.  Being at work now (and going to class later - which I totally neglected to complete homework for) is not helping at all.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, vacation wrap up when I recover.  Pictures too.

For now, you can check out me in my new speedo taken with my camera phone.

*New York City, you don't suck.  I really do love your freezing winters with its crazy blizzards and your hot, humid summers when you make the aroma of street garbage extra pungent.  You so crazy!  Love-ya-mean-it!