A Wolf at Barnes & Noble

Two years after I saw him at his last book signing, Augusten Burroughs was at Barnes & Noble Union Square promoting his new book, A Wolf at the Table, last Tuesday.

Two years is a long time. If I had a baby right after his last book signing, there would be two candles on his little birthday cake (my first fantasy child is a boy, name to be determined). It's no wonder that I felt less excited about his new book coming out than his last book.

I had heard about his book release a few days earlier and penciled it in my calendar, but it wasn't until Boopy reminded me that I realized it was approaching.

Time had taken it's toll and my interest had waned from previous stalker-ish levels. The disappointing movie didn't help either. But as I reached deep down inside, I found that I was still intrigued by him, his writing, his honesty. At the last moment possible, I decided to stop by the reading.

Stepping off the escalators to the top floor of the B&N at Union Square at 7:45pm (the reading started at 7pm), I realized just how many fans he still had; also realizing that I was definitely still one of them.

I listened to the end of the reading and his segue into the Q&A session as I searched for the end of the book-signing line; it had snaked to the back of the building and rounded back towards the middle. If I had to guess, it was about a billion people on line. I texted Boopy to tell him it was going to be a while; but since I was already there, I decided to wait it out on line, half listening to his responses to fans' questions and half reading the book.

After two hours, 55 pages, wondering if he would remember me (stalker-ish tendencies and all), and half-trying to figure out something witty to say in hopes it will jog his memory, we were standing face-to-face. Except he was sitting. Oh look at that tattoo on his forearm.. that's new...

"Hey there... (glancing at the sticky note with my name on it) Jase."
"Hi."
"Thanks for coming out."
"Yea, I try to make all of these..."
"I thought I remembered you. Didn't you send me a picture? And wore my Abercrombie sweatshirt?"

I shit you not.

"OH MY GOD. I can't believe you remembered that!!"
"Yea, I have pretty good memory."

No kidding! I'm surprised I didn't just crap my pants right then. Though it's probably not a stretch to think he was also signaling to his bodyguards to "be alert for this one..."

That small exchange made my night. And now I'm kicking myself for forgetting my camera at home and not doing anything remotely stalkerish; like making a voodoo love card that says, "Like herpes, even though you don't see me, I'm always with you." Or something.

Possible Side Effects

Last Thursday, I went a reading of Possible Side Effects, the new book by Augusten Burroughs, at the Union Square Barnes and Nobles. He read Moving Violations (a short story from his book, about his friend, Druggy Debbie, and their exploits flashing bad drivers enlarged, explicit sex photos - you'll just have to read it), and did some Q&A - people ask the weirdest questions.

As I was standing in the back, I realized how much I admired him (and still do); after all, he inspired me to start writing again, and even tried to emulate his style and honesty on this blog. It was because of this admiration that I stood in line for an hour to have him sign my book. And because of this admiration that I spent the whole time rehearsing in my head a perfect conversation starter:

"'I love you.' No.
'I really, really love you.' Uhm, stalker alert.
'I love your work!' Well, why else would I be here?
'You're awesome!' Way to go, Mr. Original.
'I'm your biggest fan!' Wack. What if he asks me to prove it?
'Remember me? I'm the especially crazy fan who took a photo with you, turned it into a postcard, and then give it to you at another reading!' Wait.. how did it go again? Shit, nevermind. I'm thinking too much. Don't think about it. Calm down, be cool and natural. It's going to be fine. Go with the flow."

As I got closer and closer, the more nervous I became, until I reached the stairs to the stage and my knees started to shake. I wished I had a minute to regain my composure, but in an instant I was standing in front of him, handing him my book. Off guard and unable to act normal, I tried to put on my most natural smile.

And then he said, "Hi Jason." What?! He remembers me?! I didn't prepare for this conversation! How did he know.. oh, it's right there on the post-it.

"Hey Augusten... I just.. (inaudible babbling here).. uhm.. nevermind."
"No, no. What were you going to say?" he kindly urged.

I had to take a deep breath and focus - he had given me a second chance!

"I just wanted to say... 'Thank You' for inspiring me to start writing (again)."
He looked up at me with genuine interest. "Really?"
"Yep. When I started on your second book.. uhm.. Dry, right? I started really writing on my blog."
"That's awesome."
"Yea.. hey, I noticed you started a blog on your new site, too.."
"Oh. Right. Well, right now it's kind of... stupid..."
"You probably don't have a lot of time to update it, with all that traveling..."
"...we'll see how it turns out. You should email me your blog address and I'll check it out."
"That'd be so cool. I will."
"Okay, have a great night."
"Uhm.. Great, Thanks! I mean, you have a great night too."

By the time I was done tripping over myself trying to get away from that embarrasing situation, I was quietly rejoicing about my signed book and semi-awkward-yet-successful conversation. He was actually interested in my blog! How awesome is that?!

Well, it was only when I got home that I realize I didn't have his email address. Le sigh.

I Can't Wait!

I just got goosebumps watching the trailer for X3! I'm so excited! Wait.. does that make me a geek?

Speaking about 'can't wait' movies, The Da Vinci Code is coming out soon, too. Question is, should I read the book first?

Speaking about 'books I haven't read', Augusten Burrough's new book, Possible Side Effects, came out yesterday! And he's having a reading/book signing tonight at B&N in Union Square! I'm so there!

Speaking about 'being there', I'm three days into my new job and they still haven't fired me yet. I'm on a roll!

Happy Blogiversary!

Woohoo!  It's been a year since I moved from xanga and started this blog and I'm still here!  Check out the post I made that very first day!

Yea, well, I didn't say it was a good post.

Luckily, my posts have gotten much more interesting since then (if I have to say so myself); from meeting Augusten Burroughs to my coming out to living my life the way I want to and meeting some really great bloggers.

And OMG!  I just saw a big black wretched rat in my new apartment!  And by big I mean tiny.  And by rat I mean mouse.  And by wretched I mean I killed it (it ran behind a box and I squealed like a schoolgirl as I pounded the box against the wall with a broom).  And then my big straight man of a roommate picked it up, pretended to eat it, and put it in an empty spaghetti sauce jar (with some cheese of course; we had to give it a proper burial).

Eep!  That's enough excitement I've had for tonight!

Two Months and Counting

Two Month Anniversary

Wow, has it only been two months?  For those who are new to the program, today would be the two month anniversary of my coming out.  Yes, if you did the math right, I came out on Christmas Day '04.  I feel like I've done more in these past two months than I've done in the last two years.  People I've met, events I've attended, emotions I've felt.  Read more [+/-]

It's amazing what being honest with yourself and others can do to you; I feel as if I'm intoxicated on strength, determination, and a passion for life.  I've tossed aside my inhibitions and I'm ready to take on anything, come what may!

However, thinking clearly and rationally had also been thrown out with the inhibitions.  It's all new and exciting to me, and because of my need for instant gratification, I was sometimes reckless.  Like a kid loose in a candy store, I've started to feel the onset of a tummy ache of having too much candy, too fast.

Thank you for being there and handing me some ginger ale, you know who you all are.  I love you and know I would never want to hurt anyone I loved; ever.  (Who am I talking about?  If I listed them I'm bound to forget someone; most are listed under Blogs I Read.)

Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?

So two months have passed, and I still haven't gone on a date yet!  Surprising, I know.  But as a person who's never dated before, I haven't the first clue what to do, where to go, what to say, what to order, or what to wear!  It's all VERY intimidating.  Having a fear of rejection doesn't help (and neither does Cow Pattie's story)!  Read more [+/-]

Okay, deep breath.  First things first, what's the best way to find Mr. Right?  I've heard that meeting people through friends or family is the ideal.  They act as a buffer already knowing the involved parties and can make a value judgement to determine if any relationship can come of it.  My family doesn't associate with gay men and most of my friends are either straight or 'coupled in'.

Help!  If you have any tips, I'd appreciate it.  Or maybe even some of your dating do's and don'ts - we can all learn from each other, right?  And please don't say dating sites; I've had enough people asking me if I was spicier than General Tso chicken.

Weekend Volunteering

Since I won't be tutoring this weekend, I've graciously given myself to Out of Bounds - NYC, volunteering at their booth Saturday, 2-4pm, at The 12th Original GLBT Expo (Jacob Javits Center).  Drop by and say hi!

Update: Authors Augusten Burroughs (unconfirmed) and Tom Dolby (Sat 4-5pm, InsightOut booth) are scheduled to be there for book signing!  Whee!  I'm such a nerd!

Back to Basics

A series of artistic shots of graphic tee's.

USDA Choice Beefcake

Previous Back to Basics

Giving Credit

Since I came out (what? you didn't know? read this and this), I've been asked by a lot many some two people why I decided to come out now.

The only reason that came to mind was: I was tired of watching porn, I wanted to be in it.  Or more accurately, I wanted to have sex.  (Yes, that's how my mind works!)

Oh sure, you're thinking 'So what?  You don't need to be out to have sex!'  What I have come to realize is that I did, it's just the way I am.  Follow me down this road for a moment.

In order to have sex with someone, I have to be (1) in love or (2) infatuated.  This love must be within (1) a relationship or (2) me really drunk.  The relationship must be honest and open with (1) a boy or (2) Brad Pitt (c'mon, you know he deserves is own category).  For me to have such a relationship with Brad, I must be (1) honest and open with myself and who I am and (2) those I love.

Confused now?  Good, you asked.

What I think is more interesting is how I built up the courage to finally come out.  I'll highlight the people who influenced me the most; they deserve the credit (in chronological order):

My aunt C and her partner K. [age ~14]:  They are amazing people, and great role-models.  They showed me love and happiness comes from the heart, regardless of sexual orientation.  Even though I was still scared to come out, they were living proof for me that it really is safe on the other side.  Happy 20th you guys.

David Sedaris [age ~16]:  My aunt C gave me his 'Holidays on Ice' when I was 16, trying to beat culture into me.  I didn't even know he was gay!  After graduating college, I decided to take up reading as a hobby; and rediscovered Sedaris.  I chose gay literature because I could mask it as 'open-mindedness'.  In reality, I was trying to learn how to be gay.  I read most of his books by now.

Augusten Burroughs [June 2004]:  He was a recommended author through Sedaris' reviews.  I've since read everything he wrote, and stalked him to two book signings.  He had said he couldn't relate to the 'rainbow gay culture', yet he was still openly gay.  I definitely related to this.

My very close friend R [October 2004]:  I've known him since college, but this is when he introduced me to Blogger.com.

boy's briefs:  I surfed onto his site by the 'Next Blog' link.  His links brought me to all types of gay bloggers.  Even though he doesn't read this, Thanks Chris!

Ed Shepp:  Another site I surfed onto.  The first blog I was impressed by; so much that I contacted him through email.  He is amazingly nice and really cool.  He invited me to my very first gay Halloween house party!  It was funny because I brought people who weren't gay!  I learned a gay party is nothing to be scared of; I was actually being confortable around gay people.

Towleroad:  Not just a blog, but a gay news filter!  At a time when I needed to learn how to be gay, he highlights stories about gay culture.  He's also really cute.

Hot Toddy:  He's a brilliant, if not sometimes random, writer.  I don't remember how I surfed onto his site, but when I did, he had this post up about Screaming Queens.  Like Augusten Burroughs, he described how he didn't fit into popular culture's stereotype about gay culture.  I instantly adored him.  This really was the first time I realized that I didn't have to be a flaming queen to be gay.  I could just be me.  It was such a revelation to me, I had to start a correspondance with him.  When he was booked to attend a blogger event in New York City, I had to meet him; and I did!  I also met a whole bunch of his great blogger friends too.

A Country Boy in New York City:  I met him at the blogger event, friends of Hot Toddy; he thought I smelled good, I thought his accent was cute, he invited me out to meet his friends, and I definitely wasn't giving up that opportunity.  He's the first gay friend I ever made (in person).  I'm so lucky all the new friends I made through him are amazing, great, funny, smart, caring, cute, and most importantly, not crazy.  I guess it's true what they say about birds of a feather.  No, you can't have them.

And the following people who have given me support when I decided to come out: Dantallion, FARB, fash mag slag, mak, PatCH (and his wonderfully amazing partner), riye, and slate.

And the following people who didn't know I was still in the closet, but I used to helped me build confidence: 1000 words, epicurist, brechi, and deviant.

And Wet Dreaming for being the object of my crush and writing this spirit-crushing post.

And Hot Toddy for writing this one.

(Okay, I probably forgot someone.  If you think I've forgotten you, you give yourself too much credit!  Just kidding!  Send me an email, and I'll fix you up good.  Cut me some slack here, this was a huge post.)

A Taste of Magical Thinking (part 2)

Click Here to see Rat Thing Part 2

The second installment of Augusten Burroughs' Magical Thinking reading at Coliseum Books in NYC on Nov. 11th. Sorry, I still haven't figured out how to rotate the stupid video.

Listen in awe as he explains how he tortures a little poor animal. In his own words, "Isn't that how serial killers start out?"

Disclaimer: I hold no liability for any injuries that result from watching the video. Watch at your own risk.

Admission of an Obession

This picture was taken during the Magical Thinking kick-off book tour at the Union Square Barnes and Nobles. See that sweatshirt I'm wearing? I wore that on purpose because he was wearing it on one of his book jackets (Dry). I thought, "Hey! If I wear this, he'll recognize it and I'll be special!" And then at the book signing, horror struck me as I realized that other people might recognize it and label me as the "crazy same-sweatshirt-wearing fan".

But who cares?? He noticed it! "I have that same sweatshirt.." he said to me as I continued to blabber incoherently.  I think I said 'Thanks' (what kind of response is that?!).  Why didn't I just say "Cool", or "Really?", or what I really wanted: "I know! We have the same taste, now we can be BFFs!" (That means Best Friends Forever!).

Oh no, my obessive behavior didn't stop there. Being totally disappointed in myself for acting like a mute, I was determined to go to a second reading, and make myself stand out even more! And what can make you stand out more than an inspired piece of fan paraphernalia?

That's right kids!  I took my artistic skills to the next level with this piece of work.  Notice the way 'NERD ALERT' is all capital.  I printed this out on my photographic-style printer, and it came out all glossy and nice, like a postcard.  If I became mute in his presence again, at least I could still throw this at him before running away.

When it was my turn during this second book signing, I still became partially-mute, despite all my self-encouraging prep talks to myself. When I gave him the postcard he immediately remembered me!  "Oh yea!  The sweatshirt guy!  I remember you."  That was awesome.  (If you look at the picture, you can see the postcard on the bottom right!)

When I got home that night, I emailed him hoping to further our 'relationship'. Within a few days, he replied!   Mission accomplished.  We are SO like BFF now.

Okay, not really.

A Taste of Magical Thinking (part 1)

contact me for better version

As I mentioned previously, I attended my second Augusten Burroughs reading this past Thursday. This time he read "Rat/Thing"; one of my favorite stories from his newest book, Magical Thinking!! Needless to say, I was giddy all night.

I was also considerate enough to record the reading so that those of you who missed it can still experience it live! Lucky you! However, the result is a little... awkward. Unlucky you.

Disclaimer: I hold no liability for any injuries that result from watching the video. Watch at your own risk.

[To be continued...]

O' Augusten, Where Art Thou?

Thursday, November 11
Book Signing 6:00pm
Coliseum Books
11 West 42nd Street
New York, NY 10036

Okay, so maybe I have some sort of obsession.. like you never dressed like someone and stalked them to every book signing you could realistically attend. At least I admit it! [self-incriminating photo soon to come?]

And for the record, this will only be his second book signing I'm attending. So there.

Spanking in the John

In the October Issue of Details, there is an article about how people, specifically men, like pleasuring themselves in public; written by the fearless author with no shame, Augusten Burroughs.

He starts off with "catching" his talkative neighbor on a plane with spunk on his shoe, and using that to shame him into silence. To his surprise, he finds out that a lot of men are doing this. Some places cited are: public restrooms, saunas, taxis, office cubicles, gardens, and of course, the mile-high spank badge.

Here's a little blurb:

"I've jerked off in restaurant bathrooms, left a load right there on the counter. Haven't you?"

What most interviewee's contest is that it's not a straight or gay thing (with regards to the sauna), it's about a doing-it-in-public thing. I think a guest on Colin Quinn's Tough Crowd said it best, "Straight guys haven't been in the sauna at the gym since the mid-90's".

A Nice Weekend

A Nice Weekend

Ends with me spending a lot of money.

Welcome back Elaine! Too bad you're leaving tomorrow :( On Saturday, a whole bunch of us took Elaine out for dinner. Mediterranean cuisine - more like Expensiterranean, considering it came out to $300 for seven people. The food was so-so at best. What the hell was Ramin thinking? (and if you know me, you know I'll take a stab at it):

Ramin's thought process: "Oh damn, Carmine's is totally booked, I guess I should have called a week ago instead of 7 hours before. How about thi.. no.. booked too.. what about.. nope, booked. Damn, hmm.. I know! Hell's Kitchen! let's find the most expensive restaurant there! There'll be plenty of room there because everyone else knows that Hells Kitchen is full of bodegas and fast-food, cat-serving chinese food!"

The price was just half of it. Unnecessary drama filled the first part of the day. I get a phone call around 5:30pm saying that Elaine wouldn't be able to go to dinner. Mind you, this is 2 hours before dinner starts. Thanks Elaine's overbearing monster, the next 1 1/2 hours was utterly phone call drama madness. Cell phones and house phones ring constantly as related parties try to think up backup plans. Korean!? Persian?! McDonalds?! We really wanted to see her! Finally, I decide to put my foot down and I force everyone to go to that god-forsaken restaurant that Ramin suggested.

Anyway, a huge Thanks! to Jae and Rob! I'll do my booty shake for you anytime. The party at the "Frying Pan" was cool - bore witness to a few strange events though. Desperate Asian guys. Desperate black brothers. Desperate white dudes. Get my drift?

Dry. Spell

I've just finished Running with Scissors, and it is GOOD. I'm on Augusten Burroughs' second book, Dry. The first part of the book was captivating, and I don't expect the rest of it to disappoint.

I've been reading a lot of "memoir" books lately, and David Sedaris and Augusten Burroughs tell the best stories; partly because they're either real, or based on real life events. Which makes me think - can I write a memoir? I even have my own twist: I'm Chinese!