Warning: This Can Happen To You

There's a growing epidemic that's affecting everyone and needs to be brought to the daylight.  If I don't prepare you for this, you'll spend the rest of your life wondering why people are staring at you in the coffee shop, on the subway (or Tube), and even at the bar with your friends having your favorite cocktail.  Read more [+/-]

I'm talking about cruising.  Not the leisurely travel by boat, although it can happen while you're vacationing on a cruise ship.  Cruising as in when someone is looking in public places for sexual partners.  Be aware of your surroundings.  It can happen anytime, anywhere, with or without underwear; I know this because it happened to me this morning.

I had stayed over a friends' place and was on my way home to 'clean up'.  Since I wasn't prepared for the impromptu sleep-over, I was on the subway wearing the same clothes I had the day before, foul morning breath, eye crusties, and on my skin a layer of sunblock, a layer of sun-induced sweat, a layer of Central Park grass and dirt, another layer of dance-induced sweat sealed in with cigarette smoke, and dusted with grime of the city.

In other words, I was looking (and feeling) like crap.

But then I noticed this 6.5 (out of 10) glance my way a couple of times.  I thought, "Is that smell coming from me?"  No, of course not.  AXE is the bomb.  'Accidentally', I met his blue eyes, and he winked at me!

I was shocked; stunned.  I've never been cruised in the subway before (or have I just never noticed?).  Secondly, doesn't he see that I'm a mess?!  "Some of us like dirty boys", a friend said later when I told him about the incident.  While that may be true, I didn't know how to react at the time, so I instinctively flashed him a cautious smile (morning breath, remember?) and a raised eyebrow.  He seemed to like this because he continued on his visual campaign as I exited the subway car.

And that was it!  I didn't say 'Hi', he didn't exit the subway car, we didn't go into a bathroom to have freaky-deaky sex live happily ever after with our dogs and 2.5 natural children (conceived with the help of stem cell research of course).

Don't let this happen to you!  Learn from my example!  I'm giving advice because it wasn't given to me and I'm just looking out for your best interest:

If you're being cruised by someone you find attractive, say 'Hi' no matter how horrid your morning breath is; if he likes dirty boys, he would just be even more turned on.  Or play demure by covering your mouth while you speak and fluttering your eyelashes - don't forget the timid 'tee hee'.

If you're the cruiser, continue your conquest when you have made first contact, then stalk your target out of the subway car!  You can catch the next one; and seriously, isn't that wait worth a little booty happiness?

(6.5, if you're reading this, meet me at our platform tonight.  I'll be there at 6 pm.  and then at 8.  and at 10 also.)

Happy Independence Day everyone!

I hope everyone is enjoying their weekend so far.  Take a moment today to remind yourself what our forefathers fought for that makes this country great.  And perhaps realize there are still people in this country still fighting for the same ideals.

And now, your patriotic eye candy.