Whether you're tired of the anti-gay bigots Focus on the Family, interested in being ex-homo, or just want some free stuff, check out this article from The Stranger which provides you directions on how to have an all-out, guilt-free shopping spree, courtesy of FotF themselves.
Disclaimer: I neither endorse nor denounce the method set forth by the article, but who can resist some free stuff?!
Me: "What's his name again? Peanut?"
Boop: "You mean Skip?"
Me: "Oh yea! Why did I think it was Peanut?"
Boop: "I don't know. There's no one named Peanut."
Me: "Oh, I know why! It was because Skip is short for Skippy; and Skippy is yummy peanut butter; and that's made from peanuts. So I used Peanut to remember his name!"
Boop: "Hehe.. looks like it worked."
My goodness, it was a crazy weekend. Unfortunately it didn't involve any snakes on any planes. Instead, there were crazy kids in chocolate factories. Read more [+/-]
I went with Kvn to see Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory as a part of RiverFlicks on the Hudson (later joined by tribecat and friend). I forgot how dark the movie was. I kept thinking how the opening scene of the movie, where they sing "Candyman" while the Candyman throws candy at the rabid children, was promoting candy like it was a drug. "It's like they're on crack," I remember saying; and thinking how I wouldn't want anything to do with those kids after they're done with their candy binging. But I digress.
Anyway, the 'dark part' I was referring to was Gene Wilder's depiction of Willy Wonka and how he doesn't really care for the spoiled brats. When he's screaming is pretty scary too.
And I finally realized that's where that "We have so much time, and so little to do! Strike that, reverse it." reference came from when Gene guest-starred on Will & Grace! Awesome!
Later that night, I went to the new StarBar, a 'cozier' version of the debunked Starlight. Pretty crowded and a few cuties. Then it was off to the new Boys' Room location for a bit of dancing. It was a good night, except for the part where the L train stops working, forcing me to take a cab home.
Saturday morning run was bad due to the lack of sleep and water; but I made it all up by going to a rooftop party and then celebrating my friend E's birthday at Fat Black Pussycat.
With the people she invited, it was an all out college reunion. Was that a good or bad thing? I plead the fifth. But what I will say is that there were plenty of ass grabs, thigh grabs, and even a lesbian booby grab. Damn, why do people get so grabby when they're around me?
I cut that night short, for Sunday was a double dose of Fringe Festival plays. There was definitely much left to be desired. That's all I have to say about that.
By Monday, I was totally wiped out and had to take a sick day. Of course, I took that as an opportunity to bake chocolate chip cookies. They were delicious.
While walking to the subway, I saw some hot guy on a bike with a big snake. It was big, blue, and stuffed. And it was hanging around his neck.
My first thought was, "Snakes on a Bike!" And that reminded me that Snakes on a Plane comes out today! I am SO there! Kvn had the best idea of bringing some toy snakes into the theater (a la Rocky Horror Picture Show) and throwing them up in the air at opportune moments.
You can even get a voice mail from Samuel L. Jackson! Hm.. I suspect that some people I know will be getting a few of them...
"Mutha-fuckin snakes on the mutha-fuckin plane!" Whee!
Sitting in front of the computer at work, I thought up the following situation that totally cracked me up: Read more [+/-]
Now that I'm working so close to Korea town in Manhattan, I've finally figured out what to ask those Christian missionary types when they approach me to find out if I've found the Lord and Savior,
"If God created Adam and Eve, and both Adam and Eve were white, where do Koreans come from?"
I'm sure that'll catch them by surprise. And when they start to formulate an answer (that is, if their brains don't implode first), I'll scream,
"KOREA, DUH!"
And walk away.
I just knew what was coming when Boopy and I were walking down Irving Place, hand in hand, and I notice one "tank-top wearing, loose-pant hanging, wanna-be thug" white boy look at his friend and make a nod towards us. (Funny, his friend didn't seem to care.) As we passed them, under some scaffolding, I heard him start at a whisper, "Fags."
At first we just continued walking, but his calls became louder and more creative. "Faggity fags!" "Fucking faggity fags!" I'd had enough.
"Are you kidding me?!" I thought to myself. Then turning to face Boopy, aghast, and said quite loudly, "Fuck! That hick back there is right! You are a fag! I better go find me some pussy, posthaste!" With our verbal assaulter stunned silent, I continued, "Who am I kidding?! I like dick as much as that hickity hick says he doesn't!" and engaged in a round of tonsil hockey with my Boopy.
Okay, that last paragraph didn't happen; it was one of a dozen scenarios playing through my head (another includes a chainsaw) as we made our way to the movie theater, holding each others' hand tighter. Honestly, ignoring and avoiding confrontation is the best solution to that situation. You never know what they might be hiding in their pocket or how many friends they have around the corner. Especially if you realize you left your mace (and/or chainsaw) in your other murse. It's scary to think that we were only a few blocks where Kevin Aviance was assaulted.
Anyway, we saw The Night Listener - ohh.. this movie is delicious.
Addendum: If you were a victim of a GLBT bias crime, be sure to give the Anti-Violence Project a call at (212) 714-1141. (Thanks Crash)
Thanks to the Oh! Network, Sue Johanson, and Sadie Allison, I now know the three best positions for pregnant women to have sex: on top, doggy style, and spooning (make sure you wrap your legs behind him!).
What other trivia did I learn? Women can experience their first orgasms while pregnant. Your man can't get you off? You know what to do. "Of course I'm on the pill!"
Just thought I'd share that with you. Oh! And Nonoxynol-9 can numb your mouth. Remember, only use this power for good.
