This past Tuesday I went to another WYSIWYG Talent Show (what's this?): First, Last, and Insecurity: The World's Worst Roommates. To be honest, I didn't have high expectations as a friend told me these things could be incredibly boring. No expectations = no disappointment, right? But to be fair, the four previous shows I've been to were incredibly entertaining, often to the point where I peed myself.
In the spirit of the occasion, I was going to offer a short roommate horror story of my own; but most of my roommates were okay. Read more [+/-]
There was one who started to have sex with his girlfriend while I was in the room. But I can't complain (even though I did at the time), he was comfortable with it, and really, I wanted to catch a glimpse of his package. (What? I was still in the closet, I was not getting any action, and he was a football player.) And the fact he let his blonde hair, blue-eyed, 6'2" football buddy sleep over when he was away more than made up for it. (And for those curious, he was a tight end and slept in very loose boxers. Mmm hmm.)
And then there was this roommate I had when I studied abroad in London. Let's call him Eri.. I mean Dino. Dino was Jewish, an only child, and raised in Staten Island (or as some of you might know, Shaolin). Yes folks, this meant that he was well-off, spoiled, and treated like a prince at home. This also meant that he had no social skills, lacked manners, and worst of all, didn't know how to take care of himself or perform the simplest sanitary tasks, like putting a cup in the sink or covering his mouth when he sneezed.
However, the most disturbing part was not that he had braces, but that he would display them to us... when he was eating... while making a pursed-lip sucking noise... as he constantly sucked the food out of his braces as he chewed.
Thankfully the four other flatmates I lived with were much more considerate. They more than made up for Eri.. I mean Dino. I don't remember a specific story that involved him because the four other flatmates and I generally tried to avoid him. Or for the purpose of self-perservation, sanity, or karmic balance, I subconsciously erased them from memory. And there you have it.