Memorial and Reflection

I had a good Memorial Day weekend.  I hope you did too.  More on that soon.

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A week ago, I posted about my weekend.  After re-reading it for the fourth time I started to reflect about blogging; my motivation, my creativity, my popularity.  So naturally, I turned to other people's blogs to see what they are up to.

What started out as an innocent response email turned into this:  Read more [+/-]

From: Jase
To: no milk please
Date: May 25, 2005 1:16 AM
Subject: Hey No Milk!

It's been a while since I've had the time to read anyone's blogs..  I made time tonight and read your post about googling people's names.  I do that sometimes with former crushes to see where they are and if they're still hot... sometimes to imagine how we'd look together now if I was brave enough to be out back then and somehow ended up together...

Have I told you how much I love what you write and how you write lately?

My next question would be: How do you do it?

Sometimes I feel as though I don't have the inspiration to blog.  More recently I've been feeling a lot of mixed emotions about blogging.  I don't really know why I'm telling you this -- maybe because I remember you commenting when I wrote about being a 'hit whore'.

I've convinced myself that I stopped caring if people read [this] blog (90% anyway).  And then I read other peoples' blogs and wonder how they get all those comments...  am I just contradictory?  I'm in this weird situation and it's strange trying to figure this all out, thinking "What am I blogging for?"  What do you think?  Has this happened to you?  How do/would you deal with it?

At the end of the day, I'm left with the final thought, "I'm not these other people."  I guess sometimes I just want to be someone else, just to see how it's like to be a blogstar...

Hm.. look at the time.. Anyway, hope you're doing well!

xo,
Jase

So kids, what we learn today is that Jase still has some issues he needs to deal with; and that he doesn't like to use proper punctuation in his emails.

Update: No Milk responds!

Impress Me

Let's see how well you know me with this multiple choice question:

Yellow in Brooklyn

What's the best way not to impress me?

a)  Go to a networking event and have "Daddy" as your job title*.

b)  Say "I think you really have some nice ASSets" while touching my behind.

c)  Send me a picture of you in speedos and a cut-off tee with a picture of the world on it.

d)  Write me an email including the sentence, "TOTALLY INTO FIRST EATING YOU OUT AND THEN TONGUE FUCKING YOUR SMOOTH HOLE."

e)  All of the above.

Your answer: [click here]

*After spending 20 minutes thinking about what to write - that's right, I spoke with the door guy and he totally blew up your spot!

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Thank you for your suggestions on how I should spend my birthday!  I'm taking them into consideration, and the only sensible thing to do is to break up with the hopping stripper dressed up like John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever then go naked midget tossing in a subway car.  Or go bar hopping.

In other news, I'm going to the Roxy, for the first time, this Saturday!  I've been told that three day weekends means huge parties in New York City.  So if you really want to save me the embarrassment of going alone impress me, you'll come along and shake your booty with me!

Renaissance

I am a Gemini.  Which means I'm versatile.  And I'm twice the fun.  It also means my birthday is coming up!  This year is extra special; along with being my quarter century mark, it will also be my first queerthday (try saying that three times fast)!

Along with this, I'm going to make this birthday different than all birthdays in the past.  See, I've never had to lift a finger when it was my birthday.  My family always decided how to celebrate.  When I got too old for that, I left it up to my friends to decide.  I thought, "That's what friends are for, right?"  Read more [+/-]

They're not your personal party planner, that's for sure.  (Unless they are a party planner and you get them to plan your party.  Anyway...)

For the last few years, I expected my friends to plan my birthday celebrations.  When they didn't, I took it as a sign they forgot or worse, they didn't care.  I got mad at first; then, tired of being mad, I stopped expecting.  When someone asked me what I was doing for my birthday I answered, "Nothing. It's not a big deal."

What a spoiled, self-absorbed, and self-loathing person I was.

People forget.  Yes, even friends.  I can remember a few times I had forgotten a friends' birthday; which would normally be followed by a belated birthday call.  If I don't remind them, how the hell are they supposed to remember?  They have lives for goodness sake!  Well, most of them anyway.

This year, it's going to be different.  I'm going to plan my own birthday celebration events (and if you want to help, that'd be nice of you).  With all that's happening in my life, I think this is a good opportunity for me to stop feeling sorry for myself and make things happen.  My birthday is special to me, and that's what counts.

This year, I'm in charge.  And I'm going to stop expecting people to be psychic; and I'm going to forgive them if they forget that my birthday is June 4.

With that said, anyone have any suggestions on what I should do?

After Twos

On Friday

After two drinks during happy hour at XES, I became less self-conscious and more physically daring.

After two goodbye hugs, those other ones were performed for the sole pleasure of feeling you up.

On Saturday

After two hours, I almost cried once watching Crash.  It was that good.

After two cups of green tea and three hours of singing, karaoke night at Duet was finally over.

On Sunday

After two in the afternoon, I was sitting next to my friend J., watching Avenue Q on Broadway!  I loved it!

After two spoons of rice pudding from Rice to Riches, it was enough to last another two years.

What were your twos?

Mental Closet

I did it again last Sunday.  I don't know why I did it.  It was probably because I've done it so many times before.  I guess old habits die hard.

While I was getting to know J., another volunteer at the AIDS Walk, I pretended to be straight.  That's right, I pretended to be straight.  Those old rules echoed through my mind: don't be overly flamboyant, don't gesticulate too much, don't use the word 'fabulous'; and I followed them.

And the funny part?  My sexuality was never even brought into question during our conversations!

Sometimes, when I meet new people, my behavior automatically reverts back to how I was when I was still in the closet.  Looking back to last Sunday, I just feel foolish; especially taking into account where I was at the time: an AIDS Walk!  Not what I'd call a homophobic environment.

Eh.. change takes time, right?

"Born Again" Music

I'm addicted.

I was cleaning up my room the other day and found this CD collection I bought during a tag sale in college.  Seeing as how I'm currently borrowing my sister's iPod indefinitely, I loaded four of the ten CDs.

Now I can't stop listening to them!  Going to work, at work, on my way home.  I swear it's aural crack.  And I have six more CD's to go through.

My favorite so far is Rondo Alla Turca.  Oh, I should probably mention the collection is "The Top 100 Masterpieces Of Classical Music".

Sometimes, I catch myself performing interpretive dance to it.  And sometimes I wonder if it would be good sex music.

By the way, did anyone notice Amazon.com's new website design?

This One's For You Babe

We fight constantly.  First toys, then the T.V. remote, then personal space.  We broke skin sometimes, drawing blood; but I guess we're lucky neither of us actually struck with the knife and scissors we were holding.

Over the years, we've graduated from physical to verbal assaults.  We know each other well, our weak points, and we both strive to modify our attacks to catch the other off guard.  I'll admit that it's sometimes fun and amusing.

We don't always mean what we say.  At the end of the day, the fact is we're family and we love each other.

Today is her birthday.  I'm lucky to have such a wonderful person in my life.  Happy Birthday Sis.

More Than Words

I am not a morning person.  Half of the time I'm late for work.  Okay, most of the time.  Fine, I was on time once in the past two months.  So the only way you would catch me awake at 5 am is if I stayed up the night before.

However, I made a commitment for a good cause: AIDS Walk 2005.  I volunteered to help walkers sign in; and being such, I had to be at Central Park by 6:45 am. So here I was, awake at the crack of dawn.  Read more [+/-]

It was an amazing experience.  Knowing that the time I volunteered helped change the epidemic was well worth my Sunday sleep-in time.  After all, I can just sleep in during the week, right?

As the sign in area closed, I got to enjoy the rest of the days' activities.  Music played from beyond the trees as I strolled down Academic Walk.  Then I passed the 'I Walk Because...' memorial wall.

I hate memorial walls.  They make me all sentimental and teary-eyed.  If I'm not careful, I will succumb to sympathy pains; their loss is my loss and I'll have to take a few moments to regain my composure.

Later, I met my friend D. and we walked through the finish line area to the other side of the park.  She made this observation: "There are so many different types of people here that you wouldn't expect together.  Like that old Indian couple there.  And those young highschool kids.  And ooh!  That baby is so cute!"  Personally, I was more like, "He's hot.  He's hot.  And ooh! That daddy's cute!"

Of course she's right.  AIDS is not prejudice and it is still an epidemic.  It might affect someone I know, someone I love.  Or someone they love.  And since I can do something now, I will.

To those who sponsored me, Thank You.  You have my sincerest gratitude.

For more information, visit the AIDS Walk website, or to see the amount I raised, visit my donor page.  You can still donate.

My Version of GB:NY2

It only took me four days to write, but I finally finished.  Damn eagle eyes supervisor!  (I hope he doesn't read this.. eep!)

Friday Night Barrage  Read more [+/-]

Of course I had to be fashionably late for GB:NY2 at Barrage.  It was also required I get lost, calling multiple bloggers before finally reaching one.  And of course he had to give me a hard time.

I was nervous going into it; hoping everyone knew my name, and was maybe glad that I came.  From my previous experience meeting bloggers, they're nice.  Afterall, they're just wannabe celebrities just like myself human, right?

Mix that with booze, and you get a handsy bunch, not that I'm complaining.  I'm actually reliving moments as I type this.  Ahh..

Being that there were so many bloggers I've never met, there wasn't adequate time to really talk.  In addition, Barrage isn't the best place to chat.  I let my Blogger Autograph book guide me through the crowd, collecting 16 new entries!  Side note: bloggers will tell (or write down) their most embarrassing sexual experience if you ask nicely.  (For those wondering, I am planning to post pages up.. err.. soon.)

A great, big THANK YOU to Mark (zeitzeuge) for organizing this.

The highlights of my evening were meeting Mark, Scott, and Alan, and getting a big hug from Homer.  I plead the fifth on all others.  But in case you were wondering, this is how I felt toward the end of the night:

Photo courtesy of Glennalicious.

Saturday Afternoon Barbecue  Read more [+/-]

After my last day of tutoring fourth graders, I headed into Jess and Marc's barbecue.  Pounds upon pounds of brisket, delicious baked beans, fragrant roasted vegetables, and mashy potatoes were just some of the fare.  I also remember the soft chocolate chocolate chip cookies (with whipped cream).

The afternoon was spent listening to 70s and 80s soft rock while we chowed.  We watched horses racing, then cars racing, then turned our attention to Myke's iBook and our got our hearts racing.

Highlights include stuffing my face, listening to Brian comment on how bidets cause split ends, recognizing songs as advertising jingles (Joy of Pepsi anyone?) and making fun of people older than me (Hm, that would be everyone);  and the cookies.

Sunday Night (Marie's) Crisis  Read more [+/-]

After a lovely Mother's Day with the family, I join some bloggers at a west village piano bar, Marie's Crisis.  I was only familiar with two songs: 'Cabaret' because I saw the Broadway show, and 'All that Jazz' from the TV commercials.

The highlights of the night would be the fact that the phrase, "You have much to learn, Padawan", was actually uttered and realizing that some Broadway shows are merely just sophisticated porn.  Tits and Ass indeed.

For the experiences of other bloggers, check my last post.  My pictures here.

On a totally unrelated note, I'll be volunteering at the AIDSwalk this Sunday, but it seems I still need sponsors or something.

GB:NY2 Captured!

This was supposed to be a super-huge-ginormous post about GB:NY2 that I wrote yesterday.  But I went to the gym instead.  Oops.

While I try to write that, undetected at work, enjoy my 37,000 word novella.

And then enjoy these other versions:
1000 words's words [pictures]
watersea's rear view [pictures]
splenda in the grass' spiel
Glennalicious gab
The Accidental New Yorker's account
joe.my.god's story
The Tin Man's tale
Robocub's review
Jere-rigged's report
mak's list
jimbo's jab
we, like sheep's side
zeitzeuge's recap [pictures]
CSCFON's rundown
dogpoet's prose
circleinasquare's conjecture
dharmabums' description
A passage from The Gideonse Bible
Homers' homage
some amusing blog pun's patois and patter
briansp's buzz
Palochi's palaver

Please let me know if you come across other versions (and/or pictures) of GB:NY2 and I'll add it to this list!

Shhhh! Hush!

I hate despise loathe people who talk during movies!  It almost annoys me as bad as when people continue to laugh at a joke when the acceptable laugh time is over.  You know, when people start to think, "It wasn't that funny."

That is unless the person talking is Hedda Lettuce; and the movie is Mommie Dearest; and you're in a theatre filled with fags who can recite every line in the movie.  Then, not only is talking acceptable, but it's absolutely required that you participate and enjoy it.

Hedda, as the late Joan Crawford, commentated during the movie at Clearview (Queerview?) Chelsea last night as a special event for their third year anniversary.  Audience members brought hangers, floor cleaner, and loose blond hair; waving and tossing each of the items up in the air during the appropriate scene, reminiscent of a showing of The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

The crowd was amazing.  Hedda was hilarious.  I had a great time.  Thanks J. for inviting me and all her friends for making it unforgettable.

"I'm not mad at you.  I'm mad at the dirt."

More Change

Okay, now that I have to be on my best behavoir at work, I wonder how I'll be able to sneak some time in to post... Let's see how fast I can write, edit, rewrite, edit, rewrite, screw it, format, add pictures and post, and still be personal, creative, and interesting, shall we?

Time now: 5:06pm.  Go!

The worst thing about change, is change.

The best thing about change is, well, change.  That, and I get to whine/blog about it, make you feel sorry for me, and get the validation and love I need.

Luckily, I've successfully convinced myself before that I don't need other people's validation to be happy; it's just an added bonus.  But Thank You for caring.  I really appreciate it.  I hope you like these 'naughty' pictures I'm posting in appreciation.  Read more [+/-]

Yea right.

I hate change.  The results are unknown and that scares the hell out of me.  But change, with all it's insecurity, has done me so much good.  Without it, I would never have moved away to college, studied abroad, taken a job in the city, or most importantly, come out of the closet.

"Things get better" and "Hang in there", wise men say.  In fact, I think they've already started.

First, I found out my blog was mentioned in May 24th's issue of PC Magazine (Backspace)!  "I hope you get a laugh out of it", is what the editor writes in the email.  I hope it's something funny I said and not embarrassing like the time made a fan photo for Augusten Burroughs and then gave it to him or when I posted pictures of me in Christmas undies.

Second, Crash invited me to see Hiroshima yesterday at B.B.Kings and they were good!  More on this later.

Third, GB:NYC2 is coming up!  What happens when gay bloggers descend onto New York City?  I don't know, but I'm going to find out!  More info here.

And lastly, I'm going to see Mommie Dearest tonight at Clearview Chelsea.  I was told that it's required for all homos to watch and memorize the entire movie; not because it's a good movie (I believe TERRIBLE was used to describe it), but because it's so campy, you have to bring bug spray with you instead of wire hangers.  Okay, I'll admit I use the 'wire hangers' reference blindly, but after tonight I'll understand everything!

And stop! Time now: 5:55pm.

55 minutes?  My supervisor is so not going to like that.

Unraveling

*riiip*  There goes my relationship.

*riiip*  There goes me being healthy.

*riiip*  There goes my job security.

*riiip*  There goes me being able to kiss someone for the next 5-10 days.

*riiip*  There goes my sanity.

What's left of me?  *plop*

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update: No, I'm not dying; sorry to disappoint.  Damn drama junkies.

I'm now single, feeling a little under the weather, my supervisor is probably going to cut my hours, and I've developed this damn cold sore.  And to top it off, I lost a coat button on the way home.