Sunday, January 30, 2005

Public Display of Lust

... or PDL for short.  As opposed to the one with 'affection'.

Hi.  I'm a slut.

Someone requested to see the pictures of me making out with *** that my sister not-so-candidly shot.  I finally received them, and so shall you.  Read more [+/-]

Don't you think those brown jeans made my half an ass look pretty good (in the second photo)?  And where was I reaching in the first photo?!

You can read about what happened during these photos: Redemption (Part 2).

Dinner On A Thursday

Last Thursday, I met up with Jon, Wayne, and Riye for dinner (Malaysian). See their blogs for their interpretation of the night (and pics).

As for mine, well, here goes:  After waiting in the frigid cold for 20 minutes, those crazy bastards decided to show their faces.  Time for my passive-agresive payback.

Since I was the only one who could speak Cantonese to the waitress, I ordered everything to my specifications (that'll show them)!  Riye didn't like spicy foods or vegetables, I made sure I had one of each.  Jon liked Beef Rendang, a dried curry dish, so I asked her to add extra gravy.  Wayne wanted 'duck blood', but what he didn't know was that it was actually 'pig blood'.

After I secretly laughed at their misfortune, I forgave them, and we had a wonderfully scrumptious time.  We then went to Green Tea House (on Mott st.) and had ourselves some bubble tea and conversation.  We discussed a variety of topics including Comics, Cartoons, and Anime.  Seriously, what else would you expect 4 asian guys to talk about?  Turkish Oil Wrestling?  Only if we were gay!  And we were, so we did.

Sadly, I forgot to bring my camera - I think I'll blame it on work.

Friday, January 28, 2005

Unlocked Lips

Thank you all for participating in my 'Lips' Contest!  You guys really did provide me with numerous hours of entertainment..  So, if you're ready, let's reveal the answers!

Reveal choice A! [+/-]

Tom Cruise!

From 'A Few Good Men'.  So hot.  I guess no one could 'find out the truth'.

See who's behind choice B! [+/-]

Blogger PatCH!

Isn't he cute?  I chose him because I knew it'd throw some people off; and it did!  By the way, his blog is back up!  Yay!

Unmask choice C! [+/-]

Blogger MAK!

Some people thought 'C' was Rob (including himself.. hehe), which is understandable; both have deliciously hot lips.

Let's go to choice D! [+/-]

Super hotness Brad Pitt!

Not even close to Nicole Kidman!

So that leaves choice E! [+/-]


So, how'd you do?  Nearly everyone who guessed, got me right! (even if their method was unconventional; E for Easy, lol!)  Congrats!  Your awards will be FedEx'ed to you!

One person (technically) guessed all 5, so I'll have to start stretching in preparation for the "7 Minutes in Gay Heaven" prize.  Hehe..

Mistaken for Angelina Jolie and Ricky Ricardo (really?), I must say you guys are creative!

I hope you had fun guessing.  Maybe next time I'll do a hand or ass contest.. but what would those prizes be...

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

School, Work and Play

"And what do you think?" he asked.
"Huh?" I answered.
"What do you think?  I'm a little off today because I'm under the weather.  Did I forget to discuss something?  Have I met everyone's expectations?"
"You met mine.. you're so dreamy."

Read more [+/-]

That was part of a conversation I had with the teacher on the first day of the class.  Although I didn't say that last line, I was definitely thinking it.  I'm pondering bringing some cherries an apple into class next week.  And I can eat Pocky Sticks to draw attention to my mouth (oh shit, I AM a slut!).  C'mon, let's hear it for hot teachers (applause).  I don't know how I'm going to focus in this class.

Ah.. to be in class again.  I started two introductory graphic design classes this week: Basic Graphic Design and Color Theory.  Taking up these Continuing Education classes was the first turn on my 'Fork in the Road' decisions concerning my career I had a few months back (coming out of the closet was the other).  I think I made the right choice.  Yay!

You can look forward to me bitching about homework, quizes, and finals.  I might even post up some of my work for your 'constructive criticism'.

Cute potential study buddy count: 2.

In other news, I'm going back to work tomorrow!  Same consulting job, they just decided that they've now accumulated enough work so I don't surf/blog all day.  What can I do, it pays the bills.

And lastly, I'll be posting the results of the 'Lips' contest tomorrow (Thursday) night, so you'll have a little more time to make your guesses!  Good Luck!  I'm putting on minty lip balm as I type.

Blizzard, Food, Lips

Blizzard of '05.

Some of my weekend plans were stopped short because of the freezing temperature and falling snow.  After shoveling, I took a stroll around my block to find it eerily deserted.  That's to be expected of course, as by 8 pm Saturday night, snow had been falling for 10 hours.

Slowly, I walked in the middle of the street, admiring the emptiness of what would otherwise be a busy with cars, trucks, and ambulances.  I peeked through windows as I passed, gazing at families gathered around the dinner table, sharing in each other's company.  The man with the red sweater said something and everyone laughs.  It's nice to know that even though things might not work out the way you planned, there's still some things you can depend on; like friends, family, and Chinese take-out.

Shabu shabu

Luckily for me, new plans were in the mix.  On Sunday, my friend J.L. (and former intern buddy) came into Flushing and we had shabu shabu for dinner.  For those unfamiliar, it's a cuisine where you boil your food in a pot of broth then dip into sauces before eating.  This guarantees freshness and ingesting a good amount of soy sauce.  White people, think Asian fondue.

She had also invited another friend from work, whom in turn invited two others.  It turns out that we all went to the same university.  Without going too deep into it, these Asians were the type of people I spent four years avoiding on campus (as did J.L.), only to be stuck eating dinner with them.  There's nothing wrong with them, we have different personalities that don't click.  They'll say I'm Americanized, I'll say they don't understand sarcasm, dark humor, or English; that sort of thing.  I made it through dinner relatively mentally unscathed and headed to Starbucks with J.L. to laugh at the people we just had dinner with, hot chocolate and a pumpkin spice mocha to warm our hands.

Mile Snow Road

Walking home from dinner, I came to realize how happy I truely was.  I tend to reflect on my life on this route.  It's been a month since I came out of the closet, and I've met so many wonderful people and had so many wonderful experiences already.

From them, I've learned (sometimes unsolicited) about sex, meeting men, relationships, tricks and hustlers, having fun (but not too much), teeth and blow jobs, 'men for sex' websites, go-go dancing, lip balm, and kissing.  

They are the gay mentors, and more importantly, friends I've always felt I was missing.  I can't imagine my life without them.  I love you guys.

Speaking of Kissing...

And now to help you get the taste of vomit from your mouth, I'm giving you readers a chance to get something sweet from me.

I was recently asked if I was a good kisser (after regaling the story of how the asshole rejected me).  Frankly, the only other two people I've kissed were female, one on the brink of alcohol poisoning, the other on the brink of jealous revenge.  Not the best people to ask for an opinion.

That's where you come in.  Guess which set of lips are mine.  If you get that right, I will reward you with a smoocheroo, and you can help determine how well I kiss.

As a bonus, if you can guess the owners of three, I will get you to first base (no, that's not sex Riye).  If you can guess all five, you will get what I call "7 minutes in Gay Heaven" in the closet of your choice.  Believe me, it'll be a lot better than a trophy.

Here's a hint: two of them are celebrities, the other two are bloggers.  And I'm not a slut.  Desperate? maybe.

Monday, January 24, 2005

Winter Open House

I did it again!  I baked!  This time I used light brown sugar instead of dark brown sugar, and the cookies flattened out more.  And being the master baker that I am, they came out soft and, more importantly, not burnt!

Why you ask?  I would say to get over ***, but since I already have, that's not the reason.  I had promised to bake cookies for people throughout the winter because they were sick (in some cases, multiple times); but never had the opportunity to meet them.

However, I was invited to Michael's Open House last Friday and learned that many of the 'formerly sick' would be there!  A perfect opportunity!

See pictures from the Open House! [+/-]

Enlarged versions of sections are here:
Section 1
Section 2
Section 3
Section 4

For those who didn't receive cookies, I apologize, and instead provide you with some eye candy: a souvenir that Michael got for me from Hawaii.  You always know how to make a boy smile.  I got dibs on Mr. November.

Saturday, January 22, 2005


After being ignored by him for four days, I yelled a little, bawled a little, slept a little, complained a lot, and then for revenge (and my sanity) blogged about it.  Thank you all for your words of support!  As Sheryl Crow knows, the first cut is the deepest.

I do still have his number, and as WaterSea suggests, I could take out even more revenge [refer to Lucky Sandy].  I won't do anything like that though.  Here's why:  Read more and see pictures from Therapy! [+/-]

Know those movies where the main character gets angry, mad, and upset because 'the asshole' never called them back and it turns out that 'the asshole' was in the hospital, stuck in Cuba, or chopped up and stuffed in a briefcase?  And when the main character finds out, they feel doubly worse because they had put 'the asshole's phone number on an Internet dating service advertising free blow jobs?  You know what I'm talking about; I'm not going to be that person.

So I'm going to do what a friend so lovingly reminded me to do, "Jase, for gods' sake, just let it go!!"  That's what I'm going to do, even though I'm still left with razor rash from shaving (not my face).  I've even made a list:

  1. Delete his number from my cell.
  2. Delete all text messages that happened between us.
  3. Apply ointment
  4. Take his underwear from under my pillow and burn it.
  5. Surround myself with friends who love me; or bloggers, I'm not picky.

1, check.  2, check.  3, ahh... check.  4, since I don't have his underwear, I just burned a napkin he used and a tape of 'Rolling with the Homies', so check.  5, check and double check!  Checked twice because at Therapy on Thursday night, I was surrounded by friends and bloggers!  The get-together was planned by PatCH (a moment of silence for his blog) for Greg's friend, Eugene, hailing all the way from the west coast.

Here are some scenes.  More people where there, but left before I went into my snapping spree, or had unflattering pictures (you're welcome).

Jase, Greg, PatCH, Henry
Carlos, Greg, Glennalicious, Jase
Jase, Country Boy in NYC, Riye, Carlos
?, Riye, apt3e

And it's a good night when PatCH's tongue goes on the attack...

apt3e, Carlos, PatCH's tongue, 'Til the Cows Come Home
PatCH's tongue, Riye, PatCH's tongue, and man of the hour, Eugene

This night at Therapy, and the late night snack (which Fash Mag Slag was just in time for), really picked up my spirits, and I only spoke about he-who-must-not-be-named twice.. or was it three times.  Thanks guys.

Looking back, I'm going to say I was 'redeemed' from the night of panic.  I went further than I've ever been (second base baby!) where before I couldn't make eye contact with another guy.

I think that's progress.

Friday, January 21, 2005

Redemption (Part 3)

The following is a recount of a conversation that took place on Sunday, January 16, 2005 at around 1:40 am; half an hour after I left Posh:  Read more [+/-]

[Cell phone rings with unfamiliar number.]
Me: What took you so long?
Him: [laugh. There's that laugh again.] I had to see my friends off.
Me: I see.
Him: Do you want to come back to my place?
Me: Where do you live?
Him: (Somewhere close to Posh)
Me, sweetly: But I'm all the way downtown now.
Him: We were so close before.
Me: I know!  Maybe next time.
Him: Are you sure you don't want to come up?  It's early, only 2; not like it's 4.
Me: I can't.  How about tomorrow?  There's this party I'm going to in the city, maybe you can join me.
Him, reluctant: Okay.
Me: I'll give you a call tomorrow.  Don't think about me too much now.
Him: I won't, and if I do, I still have my right hand.
Me: In that case, do think about me.
Him: [laugh]
Me: Good night...
Him: Night.

The following text message conversation took place later that night:

Him [2:02 am]: Hey
Me [2:09 am]: Hey hot stuff
Him [2:10 am]: So bummed we had to part sexy
Me [2:13 am]: There will b plnty of optnty.. i prmse.. :)
Him [2:16 am]: You should come uptown
Me [2:19 am]: Im playin hrd 2 get.. theres alwys 2morow.. swt drms babe..
Him [2:21 am]: Good game plan. The longer thd wait, the hotter. Call me tomorrow cutie :)
Me [2:23 am]: Im countn on it..

Fast-forward to Posh, Sunday night.  He didn't make it to the party I was going to at Bar 41 so we decided to meet up at Posh.  I convinced 4 straight girlfriends to join me; they've never been to a gay bar before and I was working with 3 hours of drinking (gotta love those Chocolate Martinis).  He walks in.  I recognize him, gave him a hug and quick smooch.  Introductions ensue.  Then, he starts talking to my friends!  "Excuse me?  Your attention should be on the prize!"

After a few more moments of chatting and me glancing over at him, he picks up on the fact that I want his attention and again motions for me to sit near him.

I walk around the table and instead of sitting on the couch, I say, "I think I'd be much more comfortable over here," and I sit on his lap.  Do you think I was too forward (or easy)?  Let me remind you readers that I've gotten to first base and, what I found out tonight, second base (over the clothes groping) with the night before.  [Side note: this is also the first guy I've reached any base with, period.]

There was kissing and grinding on my part.  There was excitement on his part.

After a couple of songs and a less intense make-out session (than the night before), he had to leave, citing out-of-town friends; but not before promising to call me the next day (Monday).

It's now Friday.

Not to be continued.

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

I Might Be Jumping The Gun

But I just added Ultimate Gay Sex to my wishlist.  I guess you can say it's wishful thinking...

Yes, I know, I need Therapy.  So that's where I'm going tomorrow (Thursday) night, 7-ish; in case someone wants to surprise me in any way, shape, or form.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Redemption (Part 2)

Redemption (Part 1)

This post was written as a stream of consciousness with authors' notes in brackets [like this].  Critique welcome.

I wonder what he wants.  Sit here next to you.. okay.  [Authors' note: The quick acceptance was due to 5 drinks I had before.]  You're cute, but your friend is cuter.  What's your story...  Your name is ***!  The other two guys I have lust crushes on are also named ***.  This must be a sign!  Let's see what you're all about.  Read more [+/-]

You think I'm cute?  [How easily I fall for that one.]  Isn't that sweet, cue chuckle and flashy wink-smile, I'll reciprocate your compliment.  Is that how you really laugh?  Keep a straight face; you're still cute.

Enough small talk, let's ask about your friend over there.  Damn, he's straight.  I guess you're still cute.  [Gin goggles, and the promise.] Let's see, more small talk..  I know, I'll just talk about my geeky self.  Eep, this is a little embarrassing, but I'll tell you anyway, it'll make me seem cute.

You work in advertising?  Creative person!  Ding, plus!  I wonder what you've done.  Oh, you did those *** commercials!  I love those!  Let me start singing the commercial so you'll know I'm not lying.  My turn, let me tell you about what I do.  Now segue into being more creative.  New career goals, check.  Going back to school, check.

Well, I guess you don't want to talk anymore, seeing how your face is two inches from mine.  Should I...?  Why not.  [Damn drinks.]

This is nice.  I guess I really am gay, because I'm enjoying this way too much if I'm not.  Ooh, there's your tongue now; you move quick, don't you.  This is new and exciting, I wonder if this is first or second base.  [This was not the first time I've kissed another guy on the lips, but it was the first time tongue was involved.]  And a little flickering, that's kind of kinky.

I think I read about this in Cosmo, or saw it on Sex and the City, let me try...  Mikey likes it.  [Mikey's not his name, but the phrase is in reference to Life cereal.]  What if I moved my tongue like this.  Sucking is very pleasurable too, I've heard.  Responsive.  Now let's see how you like it rough.

Your hand's moving to my lower back.  I guess you want me to move.  Where?  What should I do?  [I had no idea.]  Fine, I'm just going to mount your leg.  Oo.. this is good, because I can shield my hand when I put it down here..  I wonder if he's okay with me groping him like this, he didn't seem to react at all.  I'll stop groping and start grinding then.  [I'm just sexual like that.]

[flashes]  Hahaha!  I knew my sister had a camera.  I hope my ass looks good in those shots.  He stopped.  The camera?  Well, I don't care, do you?  Let's continue then.

Why is my sister kicking my feet now, didn't she get enough shots?  You're leaving?  Don't leave me behind!  I have to go.  Here, I'll give you my number.  Flirt just a little bit more.  Remember me sweetie; I can still taste you on my lips.  Get coat, get bag, run out like Cinderella!

to be continued...

Sunday, January 16, 2005

Redemption (Part 1)

[Note: Thanks everyone for their supportive words!  I just wish I had time to read them yesterday, instead of this afternoon.]

Yesterday, I woke up feeling much better; no longer disappointed in myself because I've made the promise.  The start of a brand new day!  And I was about to be late.  I promised my friend D. that I'd go with her to the Travel Expo at the Jacob Javits Center.  I quickly got dressed and headed out to the city.

Although I was only half an hour late, D. (and another friend) had visited half of the booths.  It turned out to be a huge travel agency convention - sales reps trying to convince you to take their brochure and sell you their holiday packages.  Honestly, I didn't know what to expect.  But there was no free food or toys; I was not happy. Read more [+/-]

So I decided to find my own way to enjoy myself!  That way would be to take inappropriate pictures.  I walked down the rows of stalls, categorized by region or continent, looking for interesting things to snap at, including a mechanical elephant that kids could ride.  I didn't hump the mechanical elephant, there were kids around, even though I wanted to.  However, I did find interesting characters to take photos with, including a Canadian Mountie! (dedicated to Dan and Epi)

Sponge Bob Squarepants made an appearance, promoting the first ever Nickalodean Hotel opening soon.  My favorite by far were the cowboy representatives from a Ranch Resort in Canada (who knew?).  I conviced one of them to rope me in (and brand me his) while I ran away.  As you can tell by my smile, I was trying really hard to get away.

After the expo, D. and I met up with my sis, M., and J. for dinner before heading to our usual watering hole (straight bar near Times Square).  R. and friends came and left.  Knowing that D. wasn't going anywhere with 'the bartender', I suggested we go back to the scene of the crime, Posh.  Reluctantly, they all agreed.

Posh was packed, so I directed them all to Therapy, a much bigger bar with more seating.  As we walked out the door, a hot cutie walked in, prompting all straight girls in the group to scream out, "Damn!", "Oh shit", "Get with that boy!", and "Ask if he's straight!".  After a few drinks and some dancing at Therapy, M. and her boyfriend decided to leave, and D. shortly followed.  Realizing there were only 3 of us left, I thought, "Let's go back and see if hot cutie's still there.  I promised myself I'd get more balls."

Unfortunately, hot cutie was no where to be found.  Fortunately, there were still hotties all around, especially this one cutie who was staring at me, then motioned for me to go over to where he was sitting; so I did.

to be continued...

Saturday, January 15, 2005

Disappointed in Myself

How do I start this?  I was invited to have drinks to celebrate someone's birthday at Posh.  Getting there late at 9:30 pm, most attendees started talking about leaving; I decided not to get a drink.  At 10:45 pm, everyone in the little birthday celebration group started to put on their coats.  Then I did something I don't normally do, I'm not known to do, and haven't done in a while;  I panicked.  Read more [+/-]

"What would I do in a gay bar by myself?"  My social anxiety disorder kicked in.  Some thoughts that went through my head: "Are people looking at me?", "What are they thinking?", "Oh he's cute, but he probably won't give me the time of day.", "I'm boring and a loser."  Before leaving, Rob told me, "Be good," then followed it up with, "forget that, don't be good," and a wink.  Dispite his pep talk about being young and reckless, I decided I'd much rather be self-conscious and anti-social and headed for home.

And that's why I'm so disappointed in myself.  What's worse was that when cute guys walked in, they started to play pop music (I could feel my hips yearning to shake to the beat).  Sigh.

On my 15 minute walk home from the train station, I wondered why I panicked.  Could it be because I was about to be by myself?  Could it be because it was a gay bar?  Maybe it's both.  Maybe I don't feel comfortable enough to start being 'socially gay', without at least some support.

This is funny because people who know me would not describe me as shy.  But my reasoning is that since I've never dated, or even asked anyone out on a date for that matter, there's still a fear of 'unknown territory'.  Being out and in a gay bar by myself thrusted me mentally into the 'unknown territory'.

Stupid self-doubt.  I've decided now I cannot continue on like this.  Throw away your inibitions Jase! (Alcohol would have helped in this situation)  Don't you want to meet new people?  Yes!  Don't you want to go on dates?  Yes!  Then promise you'll have the balls to talk to cute hotties!  I promise! (and now that it's in writing, it's binding!)

Well, the only redeeming thing I did tonight was pick up a copy of HX before I left; so I'll use that in my quest to be a slut more confident in myself.  Hopefully, next time I'll have more balls.  There is also Therapy next week...

Friday, January 14, 2005


Being utterly bored and non-productive today, I decided the best thing to do was to create Blog Fan Icons (BFIs) for my favorite blogs.  Applying to jobs and signing up for classes can wait until tomorrow (or the next day.. or the following week).  You can find my BFI's on the right-hand-side column.

"What are BFIs Jase?"  I'm glad you asked!  BFIs stand for 'Blog Fan Icons'.  These icons are images that represent a blog.  They come in a myriad of colors but are all 80x15 pixel in size.

"Oh! Duh. What can I use them for?"  You can use them on your website to show that you're a fan of someone's blog!  You can even replace those boring text links and use these instead!

"Cool! I want to use them! What do I do?"  First thing you should do is copy the image and put it on your own site.  Please don't use my image links because that can get costly for me.  I would also appreciate it if you could credit me and link back to my blog.  For that, you CAN use my icon: Life. By Jase

"Okay. Hey, did you make all the BFIs on your site?"  Ya damn right I did!  So they're under the same Creative Commons License as the rest of my blog.

"Gotcha! Wait, you don't have one for [your favorite blog]! What gives?"  That could be because I don't read that blog, or because I haven't had time to create one yet.  You're free to make them yourself; or if you ask nicely, I might be persuaded to take requests; you know how to reach me.

"Wow Jase! You really are a procrastinator!"  Yep!  But I can say I'm creative with my time!

Thursday, January 13, 2005

...And Some Bad News

Bad News First

I woke up today to the sight of this car missing its two left tires; right-side was deterred by the curb.  This car was parked on the other side of the street from my house.  What's worse is that I knew who this car belongs to: my sister's friend J.  She was busy the whole day and couldn't come until evening (when the pictures were taken).

"It's a quiet neighborhood, I never thought it'd happen here," I imagine myself saying to the television reporter.  However, because there were no witnesses to this crime, the NYPD says it's not really a crime.  Luckily J. had insurance or some car care package deal, and everything should be fine (minus the deductible).  No wonder we got window bars installed.

Now For The Good

Cable is stable!  The cableman replaced all the parts he could get his hands on (cables, splitter, modem) and now we're back up for business.  Ya'll should be expecting those naked pictures I've been promising in your inbox soon.

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Whew.. That's a Relief

You Are a Life Blogger!

Your blog is the story of your life - a living diary.
If it happens, you blog it. And make it as entertaining as possible.

I was afraid I was going to have to change the name of my blog to "Snarky."

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

This Past Weekend

Apple. Dinner. Gay Bar.

On Friday, I met up with D. (she had a half day) and walked around Soho.  My mission was to head to Station A (the Apple Store) and hand in an application for part-time retail work.  Even though I applied online, applying through the store would be more proactive than waiting around for their HR department; crossing my fingers now.

That night, I ditched D. and met up with fellow bloggers Riye and the fash mag slag, Jon (his recount), for dinner and 'whatever'.  'Whatever' turned out to be dessert at Veniero's, where Jon started on his 'coffee consumption brigade'.  After discussing the state of the world economics, the tsunami, and beanie babies, we decided it was time to have fun and loosen up.. with alcohol!  Looking back, I realized that it really was 'all about me' that night.  Read more [+/-]

Our first stop was the Phoenix.  Riye suggested it because it was a gay bar in the area AND I've never been there.  As it turns out, it's not very different than the 'straight' bars.  People separated into their social groups having drinks.  Riye said it isn't a 'pick-uppy' kind of place; which was disappointing because I definitely was feeling 'pick-uppy'.

While Riye and Jon were enjoying the music and each other's company, I listened with one ear while scoping the joint to see which cute little lamb veered from the pack for me to pounce on.  I explained it has something to do with me just coming 'out' and being social.  Riye and Jon, not sharing the same enthusiasm, groaned "You make [us] feel so old."  Actually, I was looking for my first boytoyfriend; and like applying to the Apple Store, I try to be proactive.

We left, with only me saying 'Hi' to one person who all but ignored me, and headed to Starlight; again another place I've never been to.  The bouncer thought I looked like someone else, which universally means he wanted to be my 'baby daddy' (score!).  Inside was packed! but only the front; the back had more space but was equally stuffy, so we left.  Now, I don't mind if cute hotties are packed together by the door, because they make it a pleasure to 'make my way through them'.  But if you're of the 'not that cute' kind, please be considerate and move your fat ass to the back!

We had a nightcap at Yakka CafĂ© and ended the night around 4am; and after Jon had 17 more cups of coffee.  Looking back, I realized that I started every other sentence with some form of 'I ...'  Isn't that so conceited?

Back Online, Back In Time

Coming off of a late Friday, I didn't get up until 2pm on Saturday.  "Forget about going to the gym," I thought.  Staying over in Chinatown (since the Internet connection in Queens was on the fritz), I got my online fix using my sister's computer.  That night, as I was about to go out to meet R., I felt like I was about to go back in time.  Read more [+/-]

R. invited me to Bogarts.  He and a whole bunch of straighties were going to party it up.  I felt like going to these parties would be like stepping back into a time where I was still in the closet.  But I reminded myself that I wasn't pressured to act straight anymore because R. knew I was gay.  And as for the other people that were there, I didn't care if they knew or not.  What I did worry about is if they came up to me and asked those 'You're gay?' questions.  And, surprise, someone did.

Don't get me wrong, I don't mind discussing any of that over a cup of coffee, dinner, or even at the mall.  But imagine me holding a Sapphire Tonic screaming "..that's when I realized I liked penises more than vaginas," into someone's ear over the music of Missy Elliot; and then having to repeat it.  In my opinon, not the optimal situation for discussion.

My Only Resolution

I don't make New Years resolutions.  My theory is if bad situations don't run on the holiday schedule, neither does your ability to improve your life.  Januaray 1st is arbitrary; and if you think about it, it's like a slap in the face for the Lunar Calendar. ;)

Anyway, I like the t-shirt, so instead of a resolution, I remind myself not to look back.  Don't look back in anger* to be precise; no regrets.  Learn from the past (those who don't are bound to repeat it).  Yet, reading this NYTimes article by Benoit Denizet-Lewis [via towleroad, gawker] I can't help but feel a little regret for not coming out in college.  Now I think of all the missed opportunites of joining a fraternity and having drunken gay frat-boy lovin.  sigh.  I guess can still attend keggers...

*song by Oasis [lyrics].

Saturday, January 08, 2005

Where's the Coyote?

I hate RoadRunner - the cable service I use from Time Warner Cable to connect to the Internet. It's been on the fritz at my house; disconnecting me every other hour.

And you all know the Internet is like crack; especially to bloggers.

So now I'm not at my own computer, which means I can't put up any amazing pictures or concentrate enough to write up a brilliant post.  You can help me to convince them, with your strongly-worded complaints, to provide a better service to Queens here.

In the meantime, I'll leave you with this: Stick a fork, Brad and Jennifer are done [via NoFo].

Yes. He's mine now.

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Giving Credit

Since I came out (what? you didn't know? read this and this), I've been asked by a lot many some two people why I decided to come out now.

The only reason that came to mind was: I was tired of watching porn, I wanted to be in it.  Or more accurately, I wanted to have sex.  (Yes, that's how my mind works!)

Oh sure, you're thinking 'So what?  You don't need to be out to have sex!'  What I have come to realize is that I did, it's just the way I am.  Follow me down this road for a moment.

In order to have sex with someone, I have to be (1) in love or (2) infatuated.  This love must be within (1) a relationship or (2) me really drunk.  The relationship must be honest and open with (1) a boy or (2) Brad Pitt (c'mon, you know he deserves is own category).  For me to have such a relationship with Brad, I must be (1) honest and open with myself and who I am and (2) those I love.

Confused now?  Good, you asked.

What I think is more interesting is how I built up the courage to finally come out.  I'll highlight the people who influenced me the most; they deserve the credit (in chronological order):

My aunt C and her partner K. [age ~14]:  They are amazing people, and great role-models.  They showed me love and happiness comes from the heart, regardless of sexual orientation.  Even though I was still scared to come out, they were living proof for me that it really is safe on the other side.  Happy 20th you guys.

David Sedaris [age ~16]:  My aunt C gave me his 'Holidays on Ice' when I was 16, trying to beat culture into me.  I didn't even know he was gay!  After graduating college, I decided to take up reading as a hobby; and rediscovered Sedaris.  I chose gay literature because I could mask it as 'open-mindedness'.  In reality, I was trying to learn how to be gay.  I read most of his books by now.

Augusten Burroughs [June 2004]:  He was a recommended author through Sedaris' reviews.  I've since read everything he wrote, and stalked him to two book signings.  He had said he couldn't relate to the 'rainbow gay culture', yet he was still openly gay.  I definitely related to this.

My very close friend R [October 2004]:  I've known him since college, but this is when he introduced me to

boy's briefs:  I surfed onto his site by the 'Next Blog' link.  His links brought me to all types of gay bloggers.  Even though he doesn't read this, Thanks Chris!

Ed Shepp:  Another site I surfed onto.  The first blog I was impressed by; so much that I contacted him through email.  He is amazingly nice and really cool.  He invited me to my very first gay Halloween house party!  It was funny because I brought people who weren't gay!  I learned a gay party is nothing to be scared of; I was actually being confortable around gay people.

Towleroad:  Not just a blog, but a gay news filter!  At a time when I needed to learn how to be gay, he highlights stories about gay culture.  He's also really cute.

Hot Toddy:  He's a brilliant, if not sometimes random, writer.  I don't remember how I surfed onto his site, but when I did, he had this post up about Screaming Queens.  Like Augusten Burroughs, he described how he didn't fit into popular culture's stereotype about gay culture.  I instantly adored him.  This really was the first time I realized that I didn't have to be a flaming queen to be gay.  I could just be me.  It was such a revelation to me, I had to start a correspondance with him.  When he was booked to attend a blogger event in New York City, I had to meet him; and I did!  I also met a whole bunch of his great blogger friends too.

A Country Boy in New York City:  I met him at the blogger event, friends of Hot Toddy; he thought I smelled good, I thought his accent was cute, he invited me out to meet his friends, and I definitely wasn't giving up that opportunity.  He's the first gay friend I ever made (in person).  I'm so lucky all the new friends I made through him are amazing, great, funny, smart, caring, cute, and most importantly, not crazy.  I guess it's true what they say about birds of a feather.  No, you can't have them.

And the following people who have given me support when I decided to come out: Dantallion, FARB, fash mag slag, mak, PatCH (and his wonderfully amazing partner), riye, and slate.

And the following people who didn't know I was still in the closet, but I used to helped me build confidence: 1000 words, epicurist, brechi, and deviant.

And Wet Dreaming for being the object of my crush and writing this spirit-crushing post.

And Hot Toddy for writing this one.

(Okay, I probably forgot someone.  If you think I've forgotten you, you give yourself too much credit!  Just kidding!  Send me an email, and I'll fix you up good.  Cut me some slack here, this was a huge post.)

Saturday, January 01, 2005

The New Years Eve Cookbook

Recipes for Making A Night That Will Never End

For an amazing New Years Eve experience, fill your night with the easy-to-follow recipes!  You're sure to have a night you soon won't forget!  And you'll be asking yourself "When will this night ever end.." all night long!

Sulk-glazed Rack of Guilt  Read recipe [+/-]

  • 6 New Years Eve party tickets
  • 5 fashionably dressed party-goers
  • 1 ghetto-fab thug
  • 1 tall, dark, and mean bouncer
In the same bowl, mix tickets, party-goers and thug.  Use bouncer to separate thug and add $40 poorly-dressed charge.  Remove thug and one party-goer from mix.  Move remaining party-goers into a lame party.  Allow one party-goer to continue to sulk and seep in guilt.

Puke Pant Patties  Read recipe [+/-]

  • 1 drunk bastard
  • 1 handsome hottie in a black suit
Place both next to each other on the sidewalk.  Simmer bastard and watch as it starts to vomit, splattering nearby hottie.

Subway Strong-Island Iced Tea  Read recipe [+/-]

  • 5 scantily dressed and lost Strong-Island chicks
  • 1 lesbian-looking lost Strong-Island chick
  • 1 girl with clueless boyfriend
  • 1 subway map
  • 4 smart-ass subway riders
In a subway car, put girl with clueless boyfriend in front of subway map.  Toss in chicks and stir, allowing each chicks' cleavage to bend over clueless boyfriend.  Watch as boyfriend face turn red as his eyes tries not to make contact with the cleavage.  After a few minutes, "Where's Penn station" will start to emit from chicks.  Throw in smart-ass riders and set to simmer with 'It's here!' and 'Get off now!'

Subway Bitch Slap Sandwiches  Read recipe [+/-]

  • 1 drunk couple
Throw only ingredient in subway car and shake.  Watch as the drama unfolds by itself.  Leave in subway or pour onto street, the couple will be oblivious to its surroundings and continue to argue, grab, and bitch slap each other making this a great centerpiece at any dinner.

The 5-to-35-dollar Cab Ride Pie  Read recipe [+/-]

  • 3 exhausted party-goers
  • 1 cell phone
  • 1 asshole cab driver
  • 1 $5 cab ride
Place all in cab.  Remove party-goers and set off to side and continue to stir.  Bake for 2 hours in a gas-station before separating cell-phone from asshole cab driver and add in $30.

Syrupy Cold Sore Topping  Read recipe [+/-]

  • 1 cold sore
To make any night unforgettable, add this cold sore topping to any party-goer.

Serving It All Together

I was lucky enough to taste each one of these recipes on New Years.  Read how it all went down [+/-]

First, the club's bouncer said that it would cost $40 to let one of my friends in the club because of the way he was dressed (sneakers and jeans).  Deciding it was too expensive, even after I offered to pay, he took his girlfriend and left.  That made S feel guilty for leaving them, and she spent the rest of the night checking up on them instead of dancing with me.

While outside the party getting fresh air, some drunk bastard puked right next to me.  No warning, that bastard, and it splattered on my pants.

Going home on the subway, some poor boyfriend was being flashed cleavage by Long Island girls as they looked at a subway map trying to find Penn station.  It was really funny to see him trying to avoid staring at their cleavage.  Some subway riders were getting annoyed at their loud and obnoxious ways and started to give them wrong directions; not me of course.

On another subway line, the woman of a drunk couple was literally having a mental breakdown.  Not caring who heard her she spilled the beans on their relationship.  The boyfriend was not happy.  They provided us with an hour of entertainment.

We then took a cab from the subway to my house.  E left her phone in the car.  After the asshole cab driver lied about meeting us where he dropped us off in 10 mins, he made us wait 2 hours at a gas-station, until his shift ended, before returning the phone.  He also ran the meter to $30, making our $5 cab ride $35.  Then I had to drive E and S home; I didn't get to bed until 7 in the morning.

And can you think of a better time to get a cold sore than New Years Eve?!  Talk about being a leper and noone giving you a New Years kiss.. sigh.

I hope this doesn't set the tone for 2005.

Oh yes, Happy New Year!  I hope your New Year Eve was less bitter and more sweet!