Giving Credit

Since I came out (what? you didn't know? read this and this), I've been asked by a lot many some two people why I decided to come out now.

The only reason that came to mind was: I was tired of watching porn, I wanted to be in it.  Or more accurately, I wanted to have sex.  (Yes, that's how my mind works!)

Oh sure, you're thinking 'So what?  You don't need to be out to have sex!'  What I have come to realize is that I did, it's just the way I am.  Follow me down this road for a moment.

In order to have sex with someone, I have to be (1) in love or (2) infatuated.  This love must be within (1) a relationship or (2) me really drunk.  The relationship must be honest and open with (1) a boy or (2) Brad Pitt (c'mon, you know he deserves is own category).  For me to have such a relationship with Brad, I must be (1) honest and open with myself and who I am and (2) those I love.

Confused now?  Good, you asked.

What I think is more interesting is how I built up the courage to finally come out.  I'll highlight the people who influenced me the most; they deserve the credit (in chronological order):

My aunt C and her partner K. [age ~14]:  They are amazing people, and great role-models.  They showed me love and happiness comes from the heart, regardless of sexual orientation.  Even though I was still scared to come out, they were living proof for me that it really is safe on the other side.  Happy 20th you guys.

David Sedaris [age ~16]:  My aunt C gave me his 'Holidays on Ice' when I was 16, trying to beat culture into me.  I didn't even know he was gay!  After graduating college, I decided to take up reading as a hobby; and rediscovered Sedaris.  I chose gay literature because I could mask it as 'open-mindedness'.  In reality, I was trying to learn how to be gay.  I read most of his books by now.

Augusten Burroughs [June 2004]:  He was a recommended author through Sedaris' reviews.  I've since read everything he wrote, and stalked him to two book signings.  He had said he couldn't relate to the 'rainbow gay culture', yet he was still openly gay.  I definitely related to this.

My very close friend R [October 2004]:  I've known him since college, but this is when he introduced me to Blogger.com.

boy's briefs:  I surfed onto his site by the 'Next Blog' link.  His links brought me to all types of gay bloggers.  Even though he doesn't read this, Thanks Chris!

Ed Shepp:  Another site I surfed onto.  The first blog I was impressed by; so much that I contacted him through email.  He is amazingly nice and really cool.  He invited me to my very first gay Halloween house party!  It was funny because I brought people who weren't gay!  I learned a gay party is nothing to be scared of; I was actually being confortable around gay people.

Towleroad:  Not just a blog, but a gay news filter!  At a time when I needed to learn how to be gay, he highlights stories about gay culture.  He's also really cute.

Hot Toddy:  He's a brilliant, if not sometimes random, writer.  I don't remember how I surfed onto his site, but when I did, he had this post up about Screaming Queens.  Like Augusten Burroughs, he described how he didn't fit into popular culture's stereotype about gay culture.  I instantly adored him.  This really was the first time I realized that I didn't have to be a flaming queen to be gay.  I could just be me.  It was such a revelation to me, I had to start a correspondance with him.  When he was booked to attend a blogger event in New York City, I had to meet him; and I did!  I also met a whole bunch of his great blogger friends too.

A Country Boy in New York City:  I met him at the blogger event, friends of Hot Toddy; he thought I smelled good, I thought his accent was cute, he invited me out to meet his friends, and I definitely wasn't giving up that opportunity.  He's the first gay friend I ever made (in person).  I'm so lucky all the new friends I made through him are amazing, great, funny, smart, caring, cute, and most importantly, not crazy.  I guess it's true what they say about birds of a feather.  No, you can't have them.

And the following people who have given me support when I decided to come out: Dantallion, FARB, fash mag slag, mak, PatCH (and his wonderfully amazing partner), riye, and slate.

And the following people who didn't know I was still in the closet, but I used to helped me build confidence: 1000 words, epicurist, brechi, and deviant.

And Wet Dreaming for being the object of my crush and writing this spirit-crushing post.

And Hot Toddy for writing this one.

(Okay, I probably forgot someone.  If you think I've forgotten you, you give yourself too much credit!  Just kidding!  Send me an email, and I'll fix you up good.  Cut me some slack here, this was a huge post.)