Tuesday, February 15, 2005

A Physical Transformation

I heard that the first thing most women do after their honeymoon is have their hair cut.  They don't feel fully complete in their transition into matrimony until they undergo a physical transformation.

Can changing our appearance help us transition into the next phase our lives?  Read more [+/-]

After two and a half months of being out of the closet I fell in love with someone; I figured that I haven't really fully moved into the 'gayborhood' until I had.  (Are you sick of me posting about love yet?)  After all, a lot of men have sex with other men and still claim to be straight; no judgement.

In addition, I had to deal with my own emotional issues regarding love, trust, and vulnerability.  If you spend time with me, you probably wouldn't see this side of me, and you probably wouldn't know that I have a fear of abandonment.  Because of this, I've built emotional walls to help detach myself from relationships.  If that didn't work, I would smother and bury my feelings deep inside until it died and rotted.  This is the reason why I've never been in a relationship.  You'll agree that's something I have to work on if I wanted to be in a relationship, and a healthy one at that.

And work it I did.  Since coming out, I started to break down the emotional walls around my heart.  I let people in and allowed their warm bask of love shine through.  I even went so far as to have romantic feelings for another person.  Admitting to these feelings was the big step for me.  And although I know in my mind that it will make me vulnerable, it's a necessary step.  "If there's no risk of losing, then you haven't gained anything."

So where does this leave me?  Leaving some of my insecurities behind, I can fully immerse myself into this new phase of my life.  And what phase change would be complete without some sort of physical transformation?

So I got a haircut.  And a tattoo.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

show the tattoo!!!

-ma

Wayne said...

I was about to invite you to come to do Drag this Halloween.

I guess this sort of transformation wasn't what you had in mind.

So, what's your tattoo?

Jon said...

Cool! Welcome to the club. Now, whenever people see it, they will ask you if it hurt. People sometimes stop me on the street in the summer and ask me questions for 10 minutes about mine, but it's just something you have to get used to.

What I'm more curious about is what did your Chinese mother have to say, aiya.

riye said...

time for a show and tell!